Xmas is here

Indeed xmas is a season of joy, hope and love and of cos, not forgetting our dear Jesus who gave us a chance to enjoy all of these... Hmm... Almost lost something forever that is very dear to me last nite. Though the phone is rather old but it still meant alot to me. (not forgetting tis is building fund season 2 !) Why ? U would ask me.. Hmm.. Cos its given to me by someone who was once very special... The moment I lose it, I almost tot maybe its a sign I shld move on and buy a new one. But maybe God noes wat Im thinking and He miraculously allow me to find it again. Indeed the feeling of lost and found is something beyond description. Probably this is all a coincidence, well, Im not going to think of that and will continue to treasure wat I have now.



GY and Me !



Isn't It so beautiful ?



My dearies !

The Ring

The ring !! All I wanted... So nice.. Haha

The feeling of Transparency

It certainly came as a surprise to me to have met someone in the middle of the nite rite at a place I have not been for a long time and which carried certain memories of the past btw us. Most surprisingly, we sat only a table away from each other.

I can also see the shock on ur face too when I saw u. Nevertheless, jus unassumingly like in the office, we continued with our conversations with our frens, treating each other as transparent in our lives. Hmm... I could not explain why I still have that sunken feeling inside of me. Though I was having fun joking around wif my frens, which I can see u r too with ur 3 pretty ladies frens, this sunken feeling crept inside of me too. Perhaps u might never understand wat I talked abt, but I guess this is the feeling of unease of treating someone once so close in disregard. I din know when I can do it before. Perhaps its the way u started the transparency thingy first.. The no contact, no communication, in the office often makes me uneasy but I noe its the way u want it so I will continue with it though with reluctance. Cos never in my life, I will treat a fren or someone like dat before. Perhaps this is the weaker side of me... Always disliking the fact or the idea dat someone is disliking u or going out of his way to avoid u. Why must things turn out this way so sourly ? I will think. Why cun we put down watever is in the past and be frens again ? I will asked.

But all these r just questions I will occasionally think of. However, to face up to reality, I will respect this decision u have chosen btw us. Yah, and I certainly will still give my best wishings in watever u do. For now, I wan to love myself more and will not allow to submit myself to this thinking anymore. Thanks to my Lord and frens, I am walking out of the shadow of the valleys.

The rainy day effect

I call it the "rainy day effect". For some, rainy days signifies doomness, frustration etc. However, I love rainy days. Rainy days bring to me a sense of coolness dat will drown out the otherwise sense of heat I have always felt in this warm country. Rainy days also signifies to me a good day to SLEEP! And sleeping is my favourite activity...A few mths ago, rainy days would have reminded me of the past again which signifies sadness. But right now, Im being set free. I simply changed my perspectives.

The Lord has really been good to me this week. The bible says "...in prayers and supplications, made ur request known to God". For the first time in my life, I had really fasted for my own individual life and ahem.. someone of significance too. As always, God did not miraculously appear in my life and did something miraculously immediately. But however, the series of events dat happened thruout this week must be (I assumed) the work of God thru fasting. The pain seems a little less and the Holy Spirit even at 1 time tis week reminded me not to tink of the bitterness I held against someone(S) but simply to let go and just treasure the happy memories. I ought not to carry the burden anymore but must be glad dat God has allow someone to touch my heart before. I mean, I cun blame him for everything dats happened, cos its my fault too. But y not just rem the good old past n move on ! I had already moved on since 2 mths ago but a part of me might not have been able to let go of the bitterness. But thanks to the Holy Spirit, I decided to jus rem the happiness we shared instead of all ugliness who will only slowly eat me up in the inner being.

Immediately, I became a happier person. Even though I might see him in the office, I dun feel a thing at all and am able to smile and continue to do wat im doing. God is really good. Hmm.. And it also helps whenever I see dat someone in the office who will inevitably makes me break out in laughter. I admit there may be some attraction but for the time being, Im still waiting for dat someone (E) and truly, for now, I just wanna enjoy the frenship I have with him.

The pain

The pain unseemingly set in once again. The words once again ever so crystal clear displayed before my eyes. Praying to the Lord to take away this pain seem fruitless as it haunts me over and over again. The words, ever so dearing to someone dat is not me, spikes me over and over again. I would have tot dat time would have washed away the pain and past. But it seem like 8 mths till now, the scene from that awful nite keep repeating itself in my mind. Many a times, I tried to push it away. But somehow, it silently creeps in again. Perhaps its never going to go away. I will never be as intelligent, smart and confident as wat ur other partner will be. But I thank the Lord dat Im precious in His eye and He has given us 2 yrs of happiness.

As the fear of losing my dad to illness crept in at times, stupidly, i tot u would offer some form of verbal comfort. Much to my disappointment, it did not happen. Perhaps the inner part of me knows this fact but I cun help but slapped myself in the face again. The fear of not knowing where I am scares me. Cos I dun wan to hold on to the past but yet, I cun seem to kick it away. What I can only do now is to express this in this little blog, to let off some of the inner pains dat has already saturated my being. Im really saddened n discouraged by my father's constant ailment. Sometimes I just dun hav the strength anymore but I noe I cun give up cos my dad needs this little pillar of strength. But I do hope dat somehow, someone somewhere will also offer me this little pillar of strength too.

Hurray !! Back from Thailand

Thailand, a place filled with rich historical backgrounds and cultures is certainly a place more than wat normal singaporean would go there for, CHatukchat. Though I understand why pple will choose to go there cos of its relatively cheap clothing offered. Well.. I had a great time there, eating, meeting up with my ex colleagues, sightseeing and also shopping !

I also did something I din do for a long time... I actually went chionging ! In thailand.. It was great fun under the influence of seemingly a good amt of alcohol.. Dancing my heart out to the rumbling hit.. "Beautiful Girls". Joking and making fun of each other (some I have not seen for ages..). Well, it is certainly a nite to remember. Words aside, lets enjoy the pixs !

Thailand Here I come

Hmm.. Alot of people might laugh at my silly enthusiasm and excitement over a place they may have been a thousand times. But this trip meant all the more impt to me. This is not only my first time to Thailand but also a first to go holidaying wif my ex-colleagues. In addition, this is also a trip dat will hopefully help in healing watever portion of heart I have left within me.

So excited was I dat I actually went to buy a brand new camera to commemorate the dinners, sightseeing etc that we r going to have. Its Arise and Build but seem like Im losing all my self-control and discipline I have trained up myself for the last half year. But I just chucked all these aside. Knowing dat im going to bear all the consequences(big hole in the pocket!), I just anticipating dat all will be well.

And God is indeed good to me. As I woke up this morning, having the fear of a lonely sunday, I prayed dat He will take away watever loneliness I will feel. Indeed it works ! I have always afraid of sat evening or sunday afternoons cos the loneliness sometimes jus scare me. But... From these days onward, Im going to be a brave girl and faced all these and will always learn to appreciate His beauty in the sabbath day. :)

A moment of Nostalgia

Walking along the densely populated street in a familiar neighbourhood, chinatown almost look beautifully at the breezy nite. As the wind blows across my face, I cannot help but think of a person. The sudden rush of emotion washed over me...

As the wind continue to blow, it bring with it the memories of the past. How the laughters had brought us through 2 yrs of our lives. How the constant bickering had brought us both the sweets and bitter moments. I remembered how u will get grouchy at the sticky and humid weather as we walked thru the entire street of chinatown. I will always try to ignore u and pretend I din care abit of it. But nevertheless, we will end up enjoying ourselves and eat all the way thru.

Those were the faraway past. Both of us had grown up. As tears once again unwillingly welled itself up my eyes, I cannot help but imagine that u are already in the hands of another woman. Both of us already had our own individual life and you are very busy with ur work and newfound love life. Its time to stop dwelling, i told myself as I wiped away the last of my tears. Everything is going to be alrite, I told myself. U had find your happiness and Im certain I will find mine too. I said a little prayer for u and hope dat in somewhere in ur life, u will remember this old fren of urs.

My Shoes

Yesterday I had a revelation. The story goes like this. Early in the morning, I wore on a my favourite pair of blue poka dotted shoes to match with my simple dressing for the day. This little pair of shoes, although nice on the outside, gave me almost 10 blisters just wearing it the last time. Nevertheless, cos its my favourite, so I decided to give it a try again. I did everything I can. I rubbed candle wax on the rough edges, I put plasters on my little toes to protect it.

As I put it on, I had already prepared for the worst. However, as I walked on my way to work and even for the rest of the day, it did not hurt as much as before. I begin to walk with ease with it. This shoes help me to reflect upon life. Sometimes in life, cos of the hurts we experienced, we will choose to give up on something we once adored and love. Many a times, we will just choose to chuck it aside and move along and get new "shoes" in our lives. However, if pple would just stopped and gave tis little pair of shoes a 2nd chance, things might have been different. Though its a risk we gotta take(cutting our legs again), we will never know the outcome if we dun give it a 2nd chance. God indeed has given me many many chances. It doesnt mean I not stopped hurting Him a 2nd time, I still do after the umpteen times. But God has never given up on me.

And in addition, this little reflection also allow me to be stronger each time I give something or someone a 2nd chance. If I am just willing to face up to my hurts (legs injury in this sense), I will get unexpected results. (the joy of my pretty little pair of shoes). Though I might be taking a risk of hurting myself again, ultimately, it will still worth the ride. :)

Sway

My favourite song played at the background while I danced the best I know how. The dance came to an end. We bowed. The end.

That's it. The song dat I always envisioned to be dancing with my most loved one turned up to be the end of the nitemare. That's the irony of life. My favourite song turning out to be the song dat I will always remember the nitemare for the rest of my life. When I was younger, I always imagined dat I will dance tis favourite song with the love of my life. However, yes, it definately had come true for a moment but however, things turned downwards and soon things got soured too.

No matter wat, im still glad I finished the dance beautifully(by faith). Indeed tis is a milestone I wanna celebrate myself. However reluctant I wanted to dance, I managed to do it without quitting this time. If its me in the past, I would have quitted at all costs cos the tot and simply to face up to someone dat acts as if u r transparent is simply adhorrent to me. Well, Im glad I have done wat I have done and most importantly, I will not stop dancing cos of this issue but will continue cos I simply enjoyed this activity. God has made me realised dat its ok to face up to ur hurts once in awhile cos it will only make u a stronger person.

Lessons learnt

Today when I was talking to Sammie, I have come to realise something important. Perhaps the Lord really have a reason for doing wat He is doing in my life. To mold me and make me to be someone He proposed me to be. As I was talking to her about how not being used by her boss for something, amazingly, I told her that her boss gotta grow up cos she always demand things her own way.

At that statement, I suddenly realised that I was once dat person too. Being the smallest in my family, naturally, I often get what I want. In my past relationships, I have always been the demanding one. Perhaps there is an inclination inside of me that I should always get wat I want. I realised dat life is often not in the way I want it to be. I can choose to be utterly angry/disappointed/upset if things dun go my way or I can choose to tink in a positive way and let anger not get the better of me. Once, 6 mths ago, someone once told me "wat's the use of being angry when u noe its not going to help in anyway ?". Thru these, I have learnt dat it is ok dat if things dun turn up wat I expected, I should be cool cos anger just wun solve anything.

I have learnt dat for these 2 mths, I realised there is alot of perspectives changes in my life. Perhaps its due to certain pple, things or circumstances, but definately, God is changing me day by day to be a better person. He has used certain experiences in my life dat I gotta take it easy whenever things dun turn up MY way. Surely, I hope things will get better btw me and the guy in office whom i still treated as a fren but for some reason or another, we r not talking anymore. Perhaps the scenarios I created have left a deep fear or scar in him as well. Or maybe just probably, he has chose to give up on our frenship. But watever it is, I will still choose to smile, hoping one day we can still be frens like we used to be. :)

Yummy Yummy

That's BB and me !!! Together wif our yummy ice-cream


Having ice-cream in the dark ???


That's me !!! Haha

Smell the flowers

The half moon tonite looks extraordinary beautiful. As I sat quietly on my bus seat on the way home from a strenuous workout, a certain joy just filled my heart. Joy and peace, i reckon. As I stare quietly outside the window and at the same time, listening to my soothing Jazz music, I saw this beautiful old couple in front of me. With white hair streaking on their head, they talked to each other in a seemingly warm and familiar manner.

The bus came to a stop. They alight there too. As I stare out of my window seat and down to them, the old couple alight at the exit of the bus, holding hands as they went down 1 after the other. At the busstop, the old lady pass the small haversack she is carrying to the old man. The old man took it over and then, they walked hand in hand away. That was the sweetest moment. A certain warmth surged thru my heart. Indeed, we are so often caught up in our own whimpsy world that sometimes we forgot to slow it down and take a look at our surroundings. If I would have been sleeping on dat trip back, i wouldnt caught such a wonderful and sweet scene. It brought a smile to my lips.

Hey, slow things down a little and smell the flower sometimes. Life is hectic enough. Appreciate beautiful nature and life or people, sometimes, with a little surprise, u will also discover dat these little things around u will inevitably bring a smile to u. Life is indeed beautiful. :)

A Sweet Sweet Birthday

My Feast ! Prepared specially by Ben.. So loved and touched !



My Angels !



Birthday Kisses...



Happie birthday to myself ! Haha



Posing to cut cake.



My presents ! My fav is the video they made esp for me



A lovely frenship ! All My dearies !

Moving forward

The day did not seem as cold and as dark as I have imagined. Ironically, it was filled with fun and laughter. The joy and laughter my frens brought to me was enough to brighten my whole entire day.

Moving forward, I wanna put down watever that is the past. Moving forward, I will no longer be sad and dwell on the past anymore. Indeed, life has so much more to offer than being in love. Moving forward, I wanna pass my driving test, I wanna do my Master, I wanna finished my bible study classes. And most of all, I wanna learn how to deal with investments so I can be prudent about my finances. I will not waste my time thinking what or who will hurt me anymore but will try my utter best to fulfill what I have set my goals upon. And of cos, to climb up the corporate ladder as I so desire.

Im really moved abt the story of the star thrower. The little boy, quietly picking up the whole seashore of starfishes and throwing them back to the sea so they were able to survive. When asked abt why he did dat cos there are just so many starfishes he could saved, he replied, " for dat one, it did make a difference." Just as my frens and the "angel" had made a difference in my life, I need to get out of my self-pity and begin to indulge in more meaningful stuff. I hope by the little efforts I made each day, some day, I could be some one's angel too. This is where my journey of my 26th life should start with. I certainly hope its not too late. :)

And I saw it.

And I saw the photo u and the girl took and how she has decorated the photo using ur name. Very handsome couple indeed. And I could see you are really happy taking the photo. Here's wishing both of u happiness.

The right one

Reflecting on the above line, there is really no one dat is right jus for each other. Every individual is different. God makes us different just so we can enjoy our differences with each other. Not just dump each other when things did not work out their ways. I have totally lose all hope of finding the rite one. Though I have chosen to smile amidst of all the adversities, there are still times dat tears will still relentlessly well up in my eyes.

I have met 2 guys in my life which I have always tot were the rite ones for me. One dat has the same interests and tastes with me, one is an entirely different world from me. Initially was always sweet and steady. But when the circumstances came in, I decided to gave up one and another 1 chose to give up on me. Perhaps life is like dat, I gotta always treasure the one dat is beside me cos u dunno when they are going to give up on u. Its nearing to my birthday, but the day seem cold and dark. Cos Mr Forgottens had really forgotten. But I will still choose to smile despite all these cos my frens and my family will want me to the happiest girl on this special day to them. But truly, Im really beginning to hate this day cos it seem to be the coldest and darkest day of my life. Mr Forgotten will be somewhere doing something, totally forgotten abt Ms Emotional.

The dinner

The dinner seemed abit too cold. Cold. Both physically and also maybe our hearts as well. The dinner went as usual. I could sense the uneasiness in you. Trying my might to be the best I know how, I tried to make you feel less uneasy. However, maybe ur heart already belonged to somewhere, our conversation seem abit forced. As I explained my story to you, I saw the tension in ur body. You asked me a few qns: on why I do this and that and why did I not asked you to wait when I wanted u to change. The fact of the matter is : I am already very selfish to have left. I couldnt possibly asked u to wait too. It is just pure selfishness myself if I do dat.
Well, the dinner finally ended. No tension, no arguement. That is good. At least I know that both of us has changed. Changed for the better.

As for another you that is studying, all the best for u. Hope u pass wif flying colors and dun forget dat yes, im still praying for u too. Hope amidst ur busyness, when u looked at the shimmer of moonlight flooding in from the window, u will somehow remembered a part of me. A part of the happy memories dat we do once shared.

Father, I prayed for E dat he will always have happiness and prosperity in his life. That his career will go from glory to glory. Most of all, bless him in everything he does. I lift up S into Your mighty hands too. That U will be with him during his exams and he certainly will do well in his studies n career as well. Do always protect him on the road as well and make sure that he always ride safely. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

I say a little prayer for u

"You chose to give up on him first." comes the familiar voice on the other side of the phone. This reminder, spoken so many times before in my heart came to be alittle more painful when spoken from my cgl. Its as if the moment suddenly stopped and the reality struck. The all too familiar pain now seared thru my already-wounded heart once more. I dunno wat is happening but just felt really really painful.

As I walked the all too familiar pathway to my house, I prayed to God dat he will always find happiness. That every single day, he will not be bothered by work at all but will always be the best in everything he do. And most of all, if the girl is rite for him, he will truly be happy every single day. Though its painful, i told God i will let it all go... Since I have chosen this path... I think this is the biggest regret of my life and it will always served as a reminder for me to "珍惜眼前人“。

Truly, I will say a little prayer for you every single day so u will always be blessed by the love of God. Hope dat it will really help. C u tmr at dinner.

Busy Busy

Hmm.. Been really busy nowadays. Its as if God suddenly knows im alone and hence, sent forth many tasks to keep myself occupied. This morning, I have to wake up really early to go east coast to recce the area for the cg outreach next sunday.
Tonite, my long time good fren is getting married ! Im really happy for him. Though sometimes will keep thinking when will it be my turn. Hee...

Last nite, I told my fren who is getting married "its not abt where u stay, its abt who u stayed with" as he was telling us they were fervently looking for a place to dwell in. Suddenly, I realised my mindset has changed. Maybe thanks to a person who once placed a great influence in my life. How are u ? Many times i will think. But... I will choose to stay in silence and watch u pass by. Are ur studies doing well and how are u preparing for ur exams ? These are the constant qns I wanna asked but stopped myself. I simply do not want to be a pest anymore and most importantly, the past is the past. Nothing can revived it. Perhaps what I can do is still secretly prayed to the Lord dat u will have success in life and ur studies.

Its time for me to go to the wedding, feeling happy for my fren but yet somewhere deep in my heart, there is a feeling of longing. Longing to see the rite person standing beside me, which, I dunno who for now. Right now, I need to be strong and independent.

Airport

Airport is a place where there are always ups and downs. Ups being loved one coming back from afar, down being loved one leaving to a place far away from home. As I walked along the all too familiar walkway to the little restaurant situated at the 2nd floor of T2, I cun help but think of the very nite where it got started almost 3 yrs ago.

When the clock striked 12, someone who were once very familiar to me said: " Between what I need and what I want." The little whisper caught my notice but I had put on a face of nonchalence. Little did I know this sentance has sparked off a memorable, sweet and happy 2 yrs we had. Perhaps I have always said to let go but I never did. Perhaps I have never even let go before. I have myself thrown away the happy future we ought to have. These are all my faults alone.

I prayed to God that he will always have happiness in his life and prosperity in his career. That he will always be the head and not the tail.

Closeupness

Much to my reluctance, I went on and finished reading what I should have discovered months ago. It was too late. The blog came too late. If I would have been inquisitive abt it sooner, things might be a little different. Stirrings within the already broken heart assailed my whole being again. Flashes of the past became once again so clear in front of me. Yet, the feeling of helplessness stops me from doing anything.

Let go and Let God. I truly believed God meant all things good for the purpose of His Kingdom. So watever u and I are going thru, God has allow it to happen for a reason. You might get this feeling of being on top of the world now and yet God might not see it and assume its ok. However, if everything is not according to His will, things will began to disintegrate. Do take care and I really hope she can bring u true happiness. Thanks for allowing me to be your fren and thanks for "reluctantly" meeting me up nxt wk to celebrate a day I might learn to dread. I really miss....

Driving is fun...

Haha.. Finally back to driving lessons after almost a yr ! Last nite was my first "exhilarating" ride back on the road. I was abit jittery in the beginning but thank God it still works out pretty fine. Though I might still need some polishing on my stopping before the traffic lights. Well, but certainly im liking it and hope I can really pass in Jan.

Hmm.. My fav Fossil watch ran out of battery. I need to go down to Orchard and get it fixed. Really need an extra working watch cos I have not been wearing one since I started work in Philips. Probably I will wait till my bonus season in Dec. These few days have been rather going fine for me as daily, im letting go bit by bit. Slowly, everything will be gone and definately, i will be back to myself once again. Having teambuilding next week and the weekend is coincidently, my birthday. Hope everything gonna be Ok. Still thinking of whether to quit the dance. Probably will finish the practise tmr and decide.

Return of the Alien Pooh !!!

Courtesy of ASW fan club... SO CUTE !!!! HEEHEE...

No title.. Cun tink of any

Hmm... Felt a little lighter today as I have chose to let go of everything. And with the constant companion of my frens, Im finally smiling again. Even with you ard, I can still manage to smile. Though I think during dance practise, u were a little tense ard me. Probably im transparent to u already ? Hmm.. Probably shld look at the brighter side of life..

Anyway, will be talking to Vance about backing out from the dance. Simply too many things happening in OCt. U might call me childish but I think I really need a break from all these. As if facing "u" day in and day out is not enough, during sat, I need to face another "him" again. Too tired. Just wanna take a break. And choose to smile despite all these.

没有你的日子 第14天

Hmm.. Today is the 2nd week after that awful day. Somehow or another, I have the sense of peace within me. Dats probably maybe I have put it all down. For the nxt 6 mths, I wanna focus on the things I always wanted to do. To quieten myself. Well, I still tot of u from times to times but i believed with time, the wound will heal faster.

I just prayed dat u will no longer treat me like a stranger cos I think u are now. But I guess all these I deserved it. But its ok, cos I think I still have my group of frens to rely on at times when I think of u and him. Yah, him, 2 yrs... The one dat I did not treasure. The one dat is supposedly to have work out but is now in the hands of another girl. Hmm.. better stop here else will be thinking of all sorts of things again. Just prayed dat I will forget all these and move on real fast.

没有你的日子 第13天

Today I have done some thinking again. I know for the past few weeks it have been a terrible few weeks for the both of us. With my constant demands of ending my life, I know u are totally tired and irritated as well. I tot to myself, if I have a bf like dat, I would ignore him the way u did. Cos I will feel exactly the same way u do. Cos I gave u too much emotional upheavels. What I wanna say, Im really sorry for the way I have behaved. Dat is not the way of what a 26 yr old shld behaved.

Anyway, I thanked u for coming to look for me the other day. Though u might be super angry, I know u came down cos u do not want me to do something stupid. I hope in time to come, all these wounds will heal and we can really be frens again. Just like the way we used to be in the beginning. Im taking a 6 mths sabbathical break. By this, i mean for the nxt 6 mths, i will not think about r/s at all and just wanna build up what I have been lagging behind. I need to fulfill the goals I have set for myself last yr. Its time I wake up and strive the best I can. And most of all, my spiritual life. This is a promise I will make to God and keep it as I have done so many yrs ago when I first entered university. It will be a good time for me to rebuild my life, let the wounds heal. In anyway, I wun be messaging u much or sms u too. Do take care but u can still talk to me if u want to. Here's hoping u all the best in watever u do. Be it ur studies or work. Smile.. :)

没有你的日子 第12天

Hmm... Today we had dance practise. I think u treat me like strangers. But I told myself its ok. Its over so dun care. However, I tink it din work too well for me. Though I have put it all down, somehow in a part of me I wanted us to be good frens again. THe kinda of frenship when GY is around. Where the 3 of us will joke around and laugh around and do crazy things. All on the basis of a pure frenship.

Today, I had a terrible sore throat which led to fever. Everything seem to be going downhill. My work, r/s, dad, health.. But I told myself, Im not going to be knocked down so easily! I will find my strength and go thru everything ! Its difficult but I know I can do it ! I will not allow emotions to hold me down anymore. I gotta change my thinking and be positive.

Somehow or another, when I reached home facing my comp alone, I tot of u again. In order not to allow it to control me n be depressive, poor Samantha became my scrapegoat again. I asked her out for dinner again. I really thank God for frens like her. Though with a bf, yet she spent most of the time with me just to make sure im fine and go thru these dark periods with me. Im really grateful for frens like her. I guess God is still good to me. At least i have beautiful frens and u did not push me aside when i said we be frens again. Im really grateful truly. Let nature takes its course.

Will still be praying for ur studies n work n of cos ur safety on the road. Dun wan lose a good fren like u.

Happy Memories (Shi Zhi Lu ko)

In the beginning, still neat hair...

Yummy

Nice buns buns

Quick Quick.. Im hungry..

Huh ? Wat happened ?

Nice Group Photo

Happy Memories (Autumn Nite with cg)

DUn come near us !

Charlie's Angel in action

Big wide smile

My Autumn nite

没有你的日子 第11天

As I was about to tread on the path of no return, a pack of tissue suddenly appears. "Take these, u will need this. Cry it out, it will help. Take a look at the scenery, life is beautiful." says the stranger who was on the bicycle. Yes. Yesterday was one of the darkest moment of my life. I intend to lose it all and just jump and disappear from the rest of the world. But suddenly, as i was sitting alone crying my hearts out along the beach of east coast, this stranger on a bicycle suddenly touched my heart by giving me a pack of tissue n talked to me. He even make a few rounds on his bicycle ard me to ensure im ok. Talking to me discretely to ensure im still ok. Leaving me alone when it need be.

I dunno who this stranger was. Neither do i remember his looks. My frens, after hearing these, call him the "angel". The angel who appears to stop wat i was abt to do. The angel dat was send by God to allow me to know im not alone.

Yes, indeed im not alone. Like wat my cgl says last nite to me at the beach, I still have my ASW club. Ailian, Samantha and Wenshan who went into shock after i disappear. They were the one who frantically searched for me high and low. They were the ones who gave me hugs when im crying my heart out. And of cos my cgl, though so busy with her work n baby, she rushed down with my frens just to make sure im still ok.

As for why im so depressed, i tink up to this day, its very clear to me. 2 yrs and 6 mths... these will become just memories for me. Where it begans is where it ends too. 2 yrs, thanks for letting me know that there is a actually a beautiful guy like u ard, but i did not treasure u. 6 mths, thanks for also letting me know there are alot of perspectives in looking at things.

Dun worry, 2 yrs and 6 mths. For now, i will choose to rest.

没有你的日子 第9天

Hmm... Today is really a day of ups and downs. I got emotional along the day and was thinking to myself "I had enough !". But after awhile, started to miss u again. Im really stupid... Wanted to cheer u up in the morning cos i tink u look stress but ended up hurting myself even more. Maybe i shouldnt do anything anymore... Probably dats the way it should go.

I finally plucked up the courage to talk to my cgl about u. She was very encouraging and did not hold it against me dat I have not be truthful to her all these 6 mths. Finally, the stress is over. Im able to heave a sign of relief. I dunno why we keep dancing so awkwardly today but i guess we both felt the awkwardness between us. Today i asked u whether u will bring me out for dinner anytime soon. Probably I gave myself hope but to have it dashed it on the floor again when u said u will only bring me out for dinner on or before my birthday. My heart was torn btw as a part of me so wanted to spend time with u but the other part I just din wan u to pity me. In the end, I finally plucked up the courage to give dat letter. The letter dat says it all on how i felt about us. But I do not know will u really have time to go thru all the photos n the letter. Probably its been chucked it aside.. I do not know and I might not want to know forever as I just dun wan the truth anymore.

没有你的日子 第8天

hmm.. almost midnite.. another boring day at work. Trying to drown myself with work. Still rubbing on all those bruises I got for all the jumps I made. Today, i realise something different abt us. I realise u nv smile to me anymore. No longer are u easy ard me albeit I tried my best to be the way I used to be. U no longer joke ard me and we r not as funny as we r before. Always joking ard even when GY is ard.

Tot of u several times today but I think u nv did bah. Cos i know rite here rite now, study and work are the pirorities in ur life. It hurts to know dat but I need to respect dat. U always say keeping me by ur side will be unfair to me but u nv ask me how i felt before. Nvm.. Its over already and u have chosen to leave me. Leave me alone to fend for myself. Sometimes i tink im damn stupid. Loving a person dat dun love me anymore. I guess love is like dat bah... Sometimes u also dunno wat u will be doing. Maybe 10 yrs down the road I will be laughing at myself now... Maybe i will really give it all up one day. But dat one day is definately anytime soon cos my heart still need time to rest... Still waiting to have dinner with u though i know u will be too busy for me as well... Hope tmr will be a better day... Smile more :)

没有你的日子 第7天

Its about a week since dat awful day. The day started out as bad as last nite's alcohol and sleeplessness make me abit needy and cranky. Cun stop myself from wanting to meet u and pass u our stuffs. Though I know u r probably too busy, I still cun stop myself and msg u. Something is really wrong with me... Though u said u r busy, yet somehow or another, i still wanna try my luck. Once again, this is the very reason why u disliked abt me.

Talking about some happy stuffs. My dad looks definately much better today and is able to sit up and talk and eat. Was very touched when my cg actually came and visit. They brought fruits and essence of chicken. My dad was really touched. It still feels good to have the cg loves me as always. Though now i am bizarre about wat love really means. Still, wanna thank God for the love and care shown to me by my cg.

Today, i actually tot abt wat u said to me last nite and went about did some thinking. I guess at the age of 25, im still a failure in my finances. The debts i built up seem endless and im constantly tired by it. I should really do wat u asked me to do. To strive and build up my own career and finances. Yes, i wanna do dat. Especially for myself and my family... Still miss u at different parts of the day but thank God u still ans my sms and know dat Im not been pushed aside. I like the phrase : ' smile and the world smile with u." Hope it really works for u and me.

没有你的日子 第6天

Tonite is the wedding of one of our own colleague. I went with my colleagues for the whole solemnization ceremony. It was abit chaotic but nonetheless beautiful. At that moment, I tot of u. It dawned on me that in the past, i always wanted a perfect wedding e.g church wedding, beautiful diamond ring etc. Tonite i realise dat all these does not matter, the only thing dat matters is who is the one standing beside me. The one dat will truly love u and be secured with u the rest of ur life. It doesnt matter how beautiful ur wedding might be, its the one whom u get married dat matters.

On the way home, I had too much to drink and henceforth, u need to pacify me. U told me about ur life story. As i sat there listening, I was amazed at how far u actually tot. Like what u said, I knew everything u said but nv did practise much. I do try but when circumstances came in, i sinked into my own realm of self pity again. U said something like, alot of pple will regret after they have lose their precious one. This pt i strongly agree. But might not be referring to my dad. I never knew how to treasure u in the past. Honestly, I always compared u to my ex. Why u dun have this and dun have dat ? Somehow or another, it make life really difficult for us cos of my constant comparison. Im sorry... If i ever do have a chance, I would want everything to be re-do again. But its too late... This is truly an example of regreting once u have lost someone. No longer will I be hostile again or needy anymore... All i ever wanted is just an extra moment with u, hoping dat u will not push me aside.

Simply tired

Simply too tired.... Dun wish to struggle anymore... Can God give me back my happy moments ?

My frens always tell me God has something great in store for you when He allows u to go thru valleys in life. I tried to believe that at times but when situations happened, i doubted it too. Im only human... Sometimes I really need a shoulder to cry on, but 6 mths ago when i faced my breakup, the shoulder who was there for me to lean on is no longer here anymore. Where can I laid my head at ? Perhaps God is telling me dat i ought to be more independent cos if there's any circumstances, there really will be no one by ur side. I have learnt dat no matter how difficult the situation is, i can control my tears from falling. But sometimes its really difficult, cos they will fall inevitably. Who else will understand wat im going thru ?

Will still try to remain positive... if possible... but its so difficult...

Letting Go

Letting go is never an easy thing. Esp one has put in time, love and energy into it. I have to learn to let go. Letting go of the happiness we once had and the joy and laughter we once shared too. I will choose to remain silent and instead of walking beside him hand in hand, i will choose to walk behind him quietly. So that i can jus follow close behind and whenever he falls, I will still be able to give him the support. Whenever he is dull or unhappy, i can choose to bring smiles into his life. Just hoping that one day he will turn n look at me once again.

No longer will I bother him with the things of life but will choose to remain positive for him. Always praying to God abt his studies n his careers n of cos, his family too. And most importantly, he will always be healthy and strong and being happy all the rest of his life. Will prayed to God abt journey mercy on his 2 wheeled vehicle especially so that his life will always be blessed.

Stitching up the heart

Recently I have been writing a series of negative blogs. Think many of you might wonder what has become of me. Well, maybe not many... but jus 1 or 2 of you.

Let me just start my very own spate of events. Recently, alot of things did happened to me. Mostly unhappy ones... Yes.. u r rite. Mostly relationships problems. Anyway, all these thingys left my heart still bleeding profusely.. I really dun understand how I came to this stage. A few days ago, I went into a depression just like 4 yrs ago. I dunno if I have come out of it but certainly it got better after I went for the combined cg on thurs. The depression, of cos, led me to even think of doing something stupid.. Something really stupid... I almost wanted to rush out of a road hoping to get killed. But I did not... Probably Im just too afraid of going to hell if I do that. Anyway, thru this period, God is good. He send someone along to open me up. She is none other than someone I know during my good fren's wedding. A stranger at first, but now a good fren of mine at my needy period.

Perhaps all these happens for a reason. And I do not know when it will ends cos my pillow still dripping wet from my tears at nite but certainly, i do hope it will. Just like 4 yrs ago, God picked me up from the valley, I trust that He will do so again.

....

One dagger, 2 daggers, 3 daggers.... piercing thru my heart...
I dunno how Im going to heal or do not know if im ever gonna get healed..
Tears dried n time clicked by. Can the time really be stopped and return back to the past ?
Laughter seemed so far away and happiness forever gone... Where is the peace dat is supposed to be there ?
Loneliness seem to creep onto me like never before. I can only pray to God to take all these away. Wat else is left to do ?

Something to think about

Last nite, Bro nick shared abt his life without limbs. Hmm.. Really, I was so blessed by wat he said. He is someone borned without arms and legs; something which many of us will take it for granted. But yet, his life is not as what his parents will hopefully think it was. He is born without arms and legs.

Throughout the whole sermon he taught, something he shared really inspired and touched my heart. Looking at his life, he ought to be someone dat is depressive but however, he never think much abt his circumstances and even complained much. He chose to smile in spite of his circumstances. He shared something too. Fear and guilt are the 2 things that will really pull us back in life. Fear of rejection, failure are the 2 barriers that we might have before we did something. And i realise most of all, guilt is something we cun progress much further too. Bro nick asked us to pray during the svc to forgive those who ought to be forgiven and asking God to forgive us too.

This really draws me to think about something too. A few mths ago, i did something that I have regrets on. I have hurt one of the most impt person in my life. The guilt relentlessly pounded on me for mths and something which i will not forget abt. I really hoped he can forgive me. Though im a lousy person, i really do need this forgiveness from dat person. I do not know whether he will read this but Im asking Heavenly Father to allow him to. So that I can once again regained the r/s we had. Im sorry, can u forgive me ?

Dripping...

My heart is bleeding... dripping dry... some memories forever hanging there...Tried to push it away, but will always end up in tears. The regret I have will always haunt me. Who then can understand all these that is within me ?

The Best is yet to come

The best is yet to come is something my church always teaches us about. This is indeed a way to remain positive and to trust wholeheartedly onto God's promises. A colleague recently Im someone who is always reflect negative tots abt pple or work. Well, in a way I agree with him to a certain extent. In work, i try very hard to remain positive on the position I held but somehow or another, environmental factors always cast a negative mindset I have. Its really hard to believe at times abt "the best is yet to come"...

Well, I do try to remain positive in my own personal r/s wif pple. But a fren once told me that I always choose to think in a negative way when things happen. I seriously dunno wat is wrong with me. First, emotional, 2nd, negative... No positive traits..
Even if u are reading this blog, u will feel dat i exude a sense of negativity with me. Dats cos im trying to come out of it and remain positive though past hurts or wounds r trying to tear itself out from my heart and try to consume unto it. I could only pray hard to Jesus every nite to take away emotions or hurts dat are wrong if it is not according to His plan. In a more positive tones, hurts or wounds are there jus so we can grow closer n more mature to Him...

A Fren

This specific post is to thank a special fren who amongst all my deemed "good" frens stood silently out. At my lowliest moment of my life, surprisingly, this fren lent a listening ear to all my problems and quietly hear me lament and complain.

This is not the first time that he actually hear me complain about the things in life. He, though not very close to me now, has once again showed me his good heart, just like the scene whereby he gave his $10 to the old granny selling honey at holland v. No one bothers but he did stopped and looked. Just like last nite, no one bothers but he stopped to listen.

I just wanna thanked him for what he did cos Im really blessed to have an angel for a fren. Amidst all the wrongful attitudes I have displayed towards him before, he chose to forgive and lend a helping hand whenever needed. This person will forever have a special position in my heart. Thanks for being there.

In-laws becoming out-laws ?

Hmm... Been awhile since I blogged. Nothing much happening in my life. Cos always been living a dry and untasteful life. Anyway, met up with my 2 gal frens a few wks ago. Well, shocked is the word to describe the meet-up. My unusually "happening " gf just got ROM. She would have been the least of my frens dat i would have imagined would settle down so early.

We were rattling about her marriage life and talking about staying with in-laws. Hmm, similarly we 3 girls thought it will be good not to stay very near or even with the in-laws cos we might be anticipating world war 3 to happen if we do. Well, for me, if Im really going to get married in the future, I think I might still wanna be alone wif my husband. I dun tink im heartless in the sense im "throwing" away my parents but rather, as the bible states, its good for a man to leave their parents and be joined to his wife. Like wat my fren hav said, imagine if u r watching tv at home wif ur most "comfortable" (ugly) position, and there ur mother-in-law emerge from the kitchen ! Imagine what she will tink of u ! In addition, amidst our busy adult life, often, we need to keep our sanity when we reached home. Just imagine if a tired daughter-in-law met with a naggy mother or father-in-law at home !

I really do love my parents alot alot but as when a person grow older, it is good to have our own family too. And for that matter, i really do hope dat I dun stay with any side of the parents so dat me and hubby can really have some quality time together. Call me selfish if need be, but dats wat my opinion rite now.

Life's journey

Hmm... Have been sick for more than a week now. Still sneezing and coughing non-stop albeit I went to a total of 4 docs in total ! Well, gotta keep trusting God's miraculous healing power is at work and I will be back to normal soon.

Jus cos of the sickness, I experienced how it feels to be alone. The feeling was terrible. No one to buy porridge for ya anymore and no one to go to the doc with ya even though ur legs r soft like jelly or ur forehead burning with a heat u nv experienced before. Believe it or not, I almost fell down after seeing a doc cos my whole body was so jelly-like because of the fever. This whole experience allow me to realise dat one gotta be strong and be independent in all circumstances. Cos one day, the one dat u r really close to will not be with you anymore and u gotta stand strong and depend on God. Someone once says Im too emotional. Maybe dats really the truth. Such a small flu virus can allow me to write so much abt my feeling here.

Meanwhile, tis period of singlehood will continue to teach me alot of lessons I have not learned before and hopefully, I will be wiser as the yr go by. Will always trust upon God to teach me and guide me on the journey of life.

In Loving memory...

Small Pooh Pooh

Who will be forever buried deep into my loving memory and hidden in the plastic bag with his frens at the top of my wardrobe. His smile and "Hnng.." will forever be remembered by his dear "mummy" who is solely responsible for the occurance of this tragedy. He, together with his frens will be missed dearly by his mummy. Think someone of his kin will also be reading tis. Hope tis kin of his wun mind dat his mummy write tis little small notice for tis little dear cute pooh pooh of hers.

The queen

The queen... Once again my character have been pretty much pin-pointed to the lowest. I have been called the queen which simply means I dictate over pple's life. I think I have never been as mad to someone as I had this afternoon. My character has been brought to the lowest pit. Im just so disappointed with the person who said it.

Nevertheless, life has to go on and work has to be continued. I can only prayed to God will take me away from dat horrible work place of mine. Jus like wat I have blogged before, can my Shin-goon pls come and rescue me from all this ?

Materialistic

I have not been called once on the above-mentioned term before. And its not cos I demanded this and that from my loved ones. Its all on the topic on marriage. So wat is so wrong on having the dreamed proposal ? That with the inclusion of a diamond ring. At this pt, every guy wld come and pt a finger at me and say im totally materialistic.

Im just stating my very basic requirement for a wedding proposal : a diamond ring. Alot of guys will disagree wif me and say we girls ought to think about the extend on wat they haved planned for the proposal instead of focusing on the ring. Wat i wanna say is of cos we girls will appreciate the extra effort that ur fiance goes through for a dreamed proposal. But what im saying, I am not asking for a big fat diamond ring but one decent one. I mean if u really love the girl and asking her to marry u, wldnt u wanna provide the best for her ?

And yes, we girls noe u guys cun probably afford it. However, we would be even more touched if we know despite the difficulty, u scrimp n saved for that precious gem n just to show how much u guys loved us in order to sacrifice for us. Wouldnt that be nice ? Yet, im being called materialistic for wat i tink otherwise a girl's dreamed proposal. Is it wrong to be even save for a girl if u tink she is worth it ? Just my 2 cents worth.

Sick

A day of intermittent rain and sunshine... Hmm.. Does not help in my recovery... Got sick yesterday but still gave my last ounce of energy on badminton. Afterwhich, my whole body starts to protest loudly esp my throat. I went and see a doc last nite to get my mc for today. However, the medicine he gave seem to make me even worse then before. My throat is so dry that it croaks and it seem to be on fire.

Nevertheless, its still a good day for resting at home. Decided to pack up the remaining memories I had and secured it. Im feeling good to get on with my life. Whatever remaining memories will be kept away and stored. Hmm... the feeling of no longer dwelling in the past seems good.

This sat is my final theory. I just do pray that I will be able to pass it with just a try. Afterwhich, I will concentrate and get my licence. It sure feels good to hav targets in life. Praise the Lord !

Drained

Monday nite after work... Im feeling emotionally and mentally tired... The past haunted me again and it is simply just so emotionally draining. All these months of putting on a strong front has really crumbled me mentally. I know im emotionally weak and there are times I may just seem unreasonable. Well, none of it really matters from now on. I am going to come out from the past and not dwell on the past 2 yrs. For it is a gone issue...

Jesus, I prayed dat U will give me strength to stand strong and mighty to embrace the new life U will give me.

Disappointments

Pastor Kong talks about being forgiving and giving mercy to those who have greviences against us. Hmm... I personally felt that its really the most important part in our lives to be forgiving and at the same time, like Jesus, forgets others sins. Always try to put urself in dat person shoes who seeks forgiveness from ya. Would you, given the same circumstances, seek forgiveness from dat person u sin against ?

Anyway, I realise not alot of pple r willing to be gracious to pple who have hurt them. Part of the reason might be cos the person might have hurt him/her somewhere deep in their hearts. Taunting and hurtful remarks are also a way of protecting themselves from the same hurts again.

Been disappointed with someone lately. I seriously dun tink I deserve the kind of tactlessness dat the person displayed towards me. And yes, I did hear those sarcastic remarks passing here and there. Well, if I have really caused dat much of hurts inside of you, den I do sincerely do apologised. But kindly saved ur sarcastic remarks to someone else.

Knuckle-size Portion

Since a few weeks ago, after seeing my fren who has been successful in her dieting, I decided to adopt wat i call the "knuckle-size portion" diet. Basically, its an all natural way of dieting simply by jus eating a smaller portion of wat u have. Well, initially, i was abit apprehensive as my knuckle is really small...And im a food lover! This is going to be hell for me !

Well, after trying for a few weeks, im surprised dat it actually works ! My stomach feels smaller (not so bak bak anymore). One thing I must add, it is done with the rite amt of exercise too. I feel less sleepy after lunch...Hmm.. Slowly, im going to say bye bye to my "bye bye arms". Heehee..

Back to my emotional check.. Hmm.. Been feeling better these few days... Probably alot of things had been cleared up and also, been getting alot of support from frens too. Most importantly, God gave me the strength ! The road to recovery is still a long way to go but nevertheless, I will still walk thru. At the lowest of the valley pt, there is always a turn for to go up the mountains !

Happy Mother's Day

May 13th... A day whereby the whole world would presumely joyously celebrate tis special day with their dearest moms. Well, I did the same with my mom too... We went out for a late dinner at the nearby zhi char store. As usual on any special days, there were tons of pple and so the waiting time was horrendously long. Nevertheless, we got our food and due to mass production, the food did not taste as nice as wat has been expected.

Hmm.. Maybe its due to the weather today or cos im stuck at home the whole day, im feeling abit moody. I realise nowadays im so much proned to getting mood swings and even tend to get unreasonable at times. Im finding myself more n more irritating by the days.. Dunno wat is happening to me... I jus wan to be the old sue chow im used to be. Well, maybe as the times go by, alot of things have changed, hence im becoming more irritable too. If this continues, Im jus so afraid I will break down mentally and go into depression again. Hmm.. I seriously dunno wat is happening to me and neither do I know wat i want anymore. Can somebody pls read my mind ? Oh God, I prayed You hear my prayer every nite n let me know wats happening to me. Thank you Jesus.

Some mixture of tots

Hmm... Labour Day. A day whereby i experienced another first in my life. Camping in Pulau Ubin...
It certainly is fun and exciting as I have never been so tired cycling from one campsite to another. Finally settling down on one spot, much to my horror, we have forgotten the charcoals for the bbq ! And then we hav to cycle all e way back to jetty and get some. Haha.. Overall, it was a really good experience thru e nite though it rain the nxt morning and we gotta hide inside the pathetic tent cos we forgot the umbrella. The tent was drenched too n leaking cos of the heavy storm. I have nv felt so helpless in the wild before n dat moment, I begin to pray for God to stop. And indeed it did ! I even told my fren we gotta believed in the prayer I made... What a way to evangelise ! Haha.. Thank you Jesus !

Anyway, these few days been on emotional roller coaster... Well, there have been moments of emptiness jus creeping in and of cos there have been moments of joy. Maybe cos I have been receiving news that alot of my frens r getting married nxt yr. I started to feel kan cheong n pray dat I will make the right decision at the rite time. Hmm... Seriously, Am I ready for marriage now ? Am I really doing the rite thing at dat time ? Does it matter so much ? Haiz.. all these tots kept bothering me and I certainly noe there are a few pple who will be reading all of these here. What I wanna say is I pray hard hard dat God's will will unfold to me very soon.

A ride to remember

Been awhile since I have blogged. Lotsa stuffs had happened during this period. Well, I should not elaborate on that here. Anyway, something happened to me last nite dat made me ponder about human life.

Hmm... How shld i say it ? Well, lets just says I almost met with an accident on the road. I came really close to an inch of getting hit at the back. Well, the funny thing was dat I was not scared out of my wits by the mere distance we come so close to the vehicle in front but by the screeching brakes coming from the car behind. It jus dawned on me how close i will be hit if the car did not brake in time. Yah, at this moment, u would hav guessed correctly the vehicle im on is definately not wat we call a car.

Anyway, I was scared out of wits by it dat the whole nite I kept thinking abt the scnerio. It jus kept me thinking dat how life can be so fragile. That moment I also remembered my fren is still lying in the hospital unconscious cos of a motorcycle accident. Well.. I jus thanked God for His hand of protection and feel blessed dat He did not forget me at the very crucial moment. I thanked Him also dat He has not forgotten my fren who is constantly on the road and I prayed dat God will always always always watched and guide over him. Amen.

A beautiful Heart

Often, human being are always absorbed within their own boundaries of busyness and little worlds that alot of them might have overlooked those that needs us to also remember their little worlds too. Last weekend, I personally witnessed it myself..

Alot of times, we are so caught up in our own worlds and conversations with our endearing frens that we overlooked those that is outside our arena/cliques. I mean, how many times have u ignored a brand new fren or colleague that just joined the company and continued ur relentless conversations with ur lunch kakis ? Have u ever tot if u were the one left behind, how will u feel ? HOwever, men being selfish, we tend to overlook all these little details. You might not mean it but you just did wat u did cos we constantly are in our own comfort zone. How many of us will actually stop by and take a look at those unfortunate that needed our help or just to drop a dollar or 2 to the blind uncles who are selling tissues for a living ?

Last week, my dear did a few things that touches my heart. Not cos he reserved a dinner place for valentine day. Not cos he did anything for me. Only cos he managed to stop by in our selfish world n took a look at the less fortunate. Yah dear, when all has walked away, u managed to stop n take a look.. Yah dear, when u gave that little $10 note to the old lady, i saw it too.. Most of all, u let me reflect on myself n prayed to God that I do have that compassion too. Hey pple, always look around to see if someone really needed dat extra help or attention or cash.. A little hand goes a long long way... :)

Being sick

Being sick is one of the most terrible feeling a person can experienced. At least dats how I feel for the past 3 days. I have been down wif fever and cough. Albeit how much tablets of panadol I consumed, it just wun go down. It does not help even though I visited 2 docs. The fever went down for awhile and then comes right back after a few hrs. Arghh.. The feeling is terrible.

It does not also help when my dear is so busy wif his work. When I fell sick, many a times I wished he is by my side but he always have to work OT all the time cos( his boss equate to number of OTs as how hardworking u r..). Yah, he did come one nite to see me but it was late at nite after his OTs.. For the nxt few days, its back to the relentless OTs nites.

I dun wan to seem sticky and I certainly do understand the needs to be shining for Jesus in the working place. However, I do seem to need a bit of attention when I need it. And I really do appreciate it if my dear can somehow shows more initiatives other then a mere sms. Yah, though now im still coughing away, I decided for now I wanna go buy myself a nice pair of shoes to comfort my inner being..

Determination + Courage = Overcoming

What a sentance I have constructed to motivate myself to a good year in 2007 ! To overcome seem like the hardest and highest hurdle that you might need to cross but with courage and determination, ultimately you will still be able to jump over it.

Haha.. This is certainly wat I always thought to myself. However,sometimes when reality sinks in, the hurdle just get bigger and the courage just keep on draining away. I will always try at this time to concentrate wat our Almighty God has promised ("I can do all things thru Christ who strengthen me."). However, I still do need some encouragement now and then.

As the yr approach, it began to dawn on me there are alot of things which I have not fulfilled in yr 2006. I am a totally emotional and irrational person at times, hence, sometimes the more I tink of the things I have not done, the more Im angry about myself. There are big decisions to be make this yr, but by then, do I still have the courage to say "no" ? Im becoming a little muffled here and u might not know wat im talking abt.. Well, pls forgive me cos im being the irrational person again here. So there is no flow to this blog..

And one more thing, when temptation really sinks in, can i still overcome based on the limited courage im left with ?