Blogging

As I watched the female lead blogging about her unhappiness, I cannot help but relate to her in the same way. This blog was started to blog about my unhappiness or shouts of life I cannot contained in the real life. This blog was also created for that special someone I once loved with all of my heart. Its him dat taught me the values of blogging.

So many years later, it has all changed. He now has a sweetheart beside him. And me... is still hurting from a recent breakup. Tormented by this guy which I know, was never meant to be. He was worst than my past r/s wif an ex-colleague. The emptiness within me could not describe the pains he has bore me for the last 3 mths. I always tried to put on a strong front at the surface, but his words just cut through everytime. He is full of self-righteous, only caring about himself and only his reasons are justified above all else.

Anyway, it has all ended. Every part of me gave ways. I really got no idea how its going to be mended back. I just wan to get out of the company, start on a brand new job... But really is God making me a bigger person ? Does He ever know the pain im going thru ? IF so, why wldnt He speak to me ? Why is He so quiet after all these ?

Thanking God

As I walked through the paths I have stepped on so many thousands of times on my way back, I cannot help but tink about how blessed I am. I thanked God that I have good family with good parents and brothers that loved me dearly and of cos great frens that stood by me through thick and thin. Though the economy might be down now, with everybody gloomy at the future, I realise dat I do not have to be others and be pessimistic about life.

Yes, I am at the danger of being retrenched, but with able hands and feets, I will still be able to look for a decent job to help finance my life. Though I just had a lousy relationship, I realised that there are actually more things other than love itself. And helping others actually helped me to recover better as I concentrate on others need instead of my own misery. No matter what, I still thank Him that I have an abled body and great family and frens to help me go through tis dark period of time. Surely, one day, I will be totally healed and recovered.

My little princess

Jadyn !!! My cute little princess...



She is just so adorable...

Today, I went to Pulau Ubin to cycle with my frens. Little did we know, as we reached Changi Village, it started pouring... Really big.. So we waited till the rain was smaller than we proceeded on. With half the enthusiasm, we went on the ride. It was really fun after years of not being there... We decided to get the ponchos and looked like ugly ducklings. Though it was pouring, the determination to conquer it never ceased. At the end, we finished it. Though our legs were jelly, the excitment is enough to contain us for awhile. The heavy dinner after dat almost make me puke too. The sumptous Ayam Penyet was enough to last us for a whole week ! Guess I will blog more about happie events in my life instead of being negative n vent my frustrations n sadness here..

Sunken feeling

Little did I know, the sunken feeling is back again. Though I actually felt over the weekend, the sunken feeling crept through my stomach again. When will I get better ? I asked myself... When will I ever stop tearing in my eyes for a guy dat I once loved ?

As days go by, he became colder. No longer will he joke around with me. No longer will he come over to my seat and "thrill" me for awhile. I missed those moments cos we r at our most natural nature. Being just frens. So what is the degree of that ? I dunno... I truly dunno.

Silly me.. I went into hiding in the lab.. Hoping I dun hav to hear his voice. Hoping that I dun hav to see him.. Cos the sight of him bring nothing but memories we once had. Yeah, I gotta be strong. Thats the phrase I used so often nowadays.. But when will I not ever use it again to remind myself... Then thats the day that I will truly be strong..

No Longer I

Stepping back into singapore, the feeling of relief and sadness both rushed to my heart simulteanously. Relief cos Im once again back to the safety of my family and good frens. Sadness cos I am forever leaving him and the reality just struck me. His gentle finger brushed across my dimples for the last time in the taxi. I stayed strong and refused to let any tears well up.

Back in the comfort of my room, I looked at the desktop phone. Once, it has ringed almost every nite and sweet nothings have been past through there. Now, it looks cold from the base as it has been untouched for so many weeks. No longer will I hear his voice over there anymore. No longer will my handphone bore any of his "miss you" sms.

Well, all these are the past now. Like what I thought through before, watever urs will be urs, wats not meant to be will never be. Now, I just wanna stop thinking about all these and rest.. Let nature takes its course.. If its meant to be, there will somehow be meant to be.. if its not, den i can only move on from here.

I hope he also put down his fear soon... Being the real DQ I know back a few months ago... And smiles will always be coming out from him.