The remark at FB seem harmless. But it certainly stir up an emotional twirl within me. I thought all would have ended with the last episode just happened a few days before. Yet, the few words written there sets doubts within me.
Is he over her entirely ? I tried to hold my emotions but still cun resist sms him. I explained my worries and anxieties and he tried his best to reassure me again. Apologised. Me accepted. Simple as that. Yet, right now I do not know if I am entirely sure he is over her. Then it brought back to me the memories while I was with someone else new a yr ago, my heart was still with someone who been with me for over 2 yrs. Will he be feeling that way too ? Will what I have be only his physical being and not his entire soul ?
As if it didnt add on to my insecurity, our boss called and told him he need to fly off again for 2 weeks. Cun help but vent my frustrations again. Since we started, he has to fly off every 2 weeks. Cun help but to term him my "fortnite" bf. This time, its the same too. We argued over his job matters again. Was it also my fault that I cannot understand he is someone who couldnt say no when coming to work matters ? Perhaps so. WHat I can really do rite now is just to treasure the 1 wk we hav left for each other for now...
A crazy little gurl who is also a believer of the Love of God... A little extremist, emotional and neurotic at times...But overall still a simple gurl who seeks simple things in life.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Cun understand
Hmm... Quite a few things had happened since I last blogged. The decision was made. Once again, Im back into the dating scene. His hands seem so warm in mine, giving me the assurance the best he know how. An image of gung ho-ness, anyone would pass him as someone who is supposedly a bad guy. Yet, deep down within, he is the gentle being that touches me to the core. The kind of sweet nothings whispers and the efforts that he made for our future commitments fired up my once-lost confidence again.
However, as much as Im in the honeymoon period, I have doubts in myself. NOt of him of cos... But in myself... The past haunts me time and again. The fear.. The fear that tis r/s is another failure again. The fear that the past will happened again. The fear that he is once again depending on just infatuations/feelings. What happens if the feelings are gone ? Will he ever make an effort or decisions to rekindle that ? As i read a book recently, love is a verb. Love is a decision. It should nv be based on just feelings and emotions alone. Will he be able to understand that ? Perhaps Im just being unfair by saying all these now as time can only tell. I really hope tis time it can really bear fruit.
However, as much as Im in the honeymoon period, I have doubts in myself. NOt of him of cos... But in myself... The past haunts me time and again. The fear.. The fear that tis r/s is another failure again. The fear that the past will happened again. The fear that he is once again depending on just infatuations/feelings. What happens if the feelings are gone ? Will he ever make an effort or decisions to rekindle that ? As i read a book recently, love is a verb. Love is a decision. It should nv be based on just feelings and emotions alone. Will he be able to understand that ? Perhaps Im just being unfair by saying all these now as time can only tell. I really hope tis time it can really bear fruit.
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