The pain

The pain unseemingly set in once again. The words once again ever so crystal clear displayed before my eyes. Praying to the Lord to take away this pain seem fruitless as it haunts me over and over again. The words, ever so dearing to someone dat is not me, spikes me over and over again. I would have tot dat time would have washed away the pain and past. But it seem like 8 mths till now, the scene from that awful nite keep repeating itself in my mind. Many a times, I tried to push it away. But somehow, it silently creeps in again. Perhaps its never going to go away. I will never be as intelligent, smart and confident as wat ur other partner will be. But I thank the Lord dat Im precious in His eye and He has given us 2 yrs of happiness.

As the fear of losing my dad to illness crept in at times, stupidly, i tot u would offer some form of verbal comfort. Much to my disappointment, it did not happen. Perhaps the inner part of me knows this fact but I cun help but slapped myself in the face again. The fear of not knowing where I am scares me. Cos I dun wan to hold on to the past but yet, I cun seem to kick it away. What I can only do now is to express this in this little blog, to let off some of the inner pains dat has already saturated my being. Im really saddened n discouraged by my father's constant ailment. Sometimes I just dun hav the strength anymore but I noe I cun give up cos my dad needs this little pillar of strength. But I do hope dat somehow, someone somewhere will also offer me this little pillar of strength too.