Recently, after much push from my friend, I decided to go for some dinner she arranged with the male friend she is trying to match me with. Well, I went through it imagining it to be another lunch session with just any stranger Im reaching out to for salvation, except this time, the guy doesnt need me to bring him to church.
I put on my friendly side. At certain times, its quite awkward cos I kept thinking I really cun go through this type of "blind date" though my fren is around. After about 2 sessions of it, I keep thinking about the effectiveness of such meeting. Yes, the guy is really very eligible. However, I kept posting myself the qn :" Am I ready for a r/s?" These few days, I kept thinking about it till sometime it overwhelm me. Well, I know its not any issue with the guy but the problem just lies with me.
Probably I would like to describe myself to be "chicken". Cos deep down I know Im afraid of getting hurt again. Some thing I have chosen to bury deep within. The fear of another failed r/s. The fear of believing wholeheartedly that the guy u going to marry will love you forever but actually its not that case. The fear.....
I wonder how I can get this out of me but I know God will surely provide a way when there is none.