My favourite song played at the background while I danced the best I know how. The dance came to an end. We bowed. The end.
That's it. The song dat I always envisioned to be dancing with my most loved one turned up to be the end of the nitemare. That's the irony of life. My favourite song turning out to be the song dat I will always remember the nitemare for the rest of my life. When I was younger, I always imagined dat I will dance tis favourite song with the love of my life. However, yes, it definately had come true for a moment but however, things turned downwards and soon things got soured too.
No matter wat, im still glad I finished the dance beautifully(by faith). Indeed tis is a milestone I wanna celebrate myself. However reluctant I wanted to dance, I managed to do it without quitting this time. If its me in the past, I would have quitted at all costs cos the tot and simply to face up to someone dat acts as if u r transparent is simply adhorrent to me. Well, Im glad I have done wat I have done and most importantly, I will not stop dancing cos of this issue but will continue cos I simply enjoyed this activity. God has made me realised dat its ok to face up to ur hurts once in awhile cos it will only make u a stronger person.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Lessons learnt
Today when I was talking to Sammie, I have come to realise something important. Perhaps the Lord really have a reason for doing wat He is doing in my life. To mold me and make me to be someone He proposed me to be. As I was talking to her about how not being used by her boss for something, amazingly, I told her that her boss gotta grow up cos she always demand things her own way.
At that statement, I suddenly realised that I was once dat person too. Being the smallest in my family, naturally, I often get what I want. In my past relationships, I have always been the demanding one. Perhaps there is an inclination inside of me that I should always get wat I want. I realised dat life is often not in the way I want it to be. I can choose to be utterly angry/disappointed/upset if things dun go my way or I can choose to tink in a positive way and let anger not get the better of me. Once, 6 mths ago, someone once told me "wat's the use of being angry when u noe its not going to help in anyway ?". Thru these, I have learnt dat it is ok dat if things dun turn up wat I expected, I should be cool cos anger just wun solve anything.
I have learnt dat for these 2 mths, I realised there is alot of perspectives changes in my life. Perhaps its due to certain pple, things or circumstances, but definately, God is changing me day by day to be a better person. He has used certain experiences in my life dat I gotta take it easy whenever things dun turn up MY way. Surely, I hope things will get better btw me and the guy in office whom i still treated as a fren but for some reason or another, we r not talking anymore. Perhaps the scenarios I created have left a deep fear or scar in him as well. Or maybe just probably, he has chose to give up on our frenship. But watever it is, I will still choose to smile, hoping one day we can still be frens like we used to be. :)
At that statement, I suddenly realised that I was once dat person too. Being the smallest in my family, naturally, I often get what I want. In my past relationships, I have always been the demanding one. Perhaps there is an inclination inside of me that I should always get wat I want. I realised dat life is often not in the way I want it to be. I can choose to be utterly angry/disappointed/upset if things dun go my way or I can choose to tink in a positive way and let anger not get the better of me. Once, 6 mths ago, someone once told me "wat's the use of being angry when u noe its not going to help in anyway ?". Thru these, I have learnt dat it is ok dat if things dun turn up wat I expected, I should be cool cos anger just wun solve anything.
I have learnt dat for these 2 mths, I realised there is alot of perspectives changes in my life. Perhaps its due to certain pple, things or circumstances, but definately, God is changing me day by day to be a better person. He has used certain experiences in my life dat I gotta take it easy whenever things dun turn up MY way. Surely, I hope things will get better btw me and the guy in office whom i still treated as a fren but for some reason or another, we r not talking anymore. Perhaps the scenarios I created have left a deep fear or scar in him as well. Or maybe just probably, he has chose to give up on our frenship. But watever it is, I will still choose to smile, hoping one day we can still be frens like we used to be. :)
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Yummy Yummy
That's BB and me !!! Together wif our yummy ice-cream
Having ice-cream in the dark ???
That's me !!! Haha
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Smell the flowers
The half moon tonite looks extraordinary beautiful. As I sat quietly on my bus seat on the way home from a strenuous workout, a certain joy just filled my heart. Joy and peace, i reckon. As I stare quietly outside the window and at the same time, listening to my soothing Jazz music, I saw this beautiful old couple in front of me. With white hair streaking on their head, they talked to each other in a seemingly warm and familiar manner.
The bus came to a stop. They alight there too. As I stare out of my window seat and down to them, the old couple alight at the exit of the bus, holding hands as they went down 1 after the other. At the busstop, the old lady pass the small haversack she is carrying to the old man. The old man took it over and then, they walked hand in hand away. That was the sweetest moment. A certain warmth surged thru my heart. Indeed, we are so often caught up in our own whimpsy world that sometimes we forgot to slow it down and take a look at our surroundings. If I would have been sleeping on dat trip back, i wouldnt caught such a wonderful and sweet scene. It brought a smile to my lips.
Hey, slow things down a little and smell the flower sometimes. Life is hectic enough. Appreciate beautiful nature and life or people, sometimes, with a little surprise, u will also discover dat these little things around u will inevitably bring a smile to u. Life is indeed beautiful. :)
The bus came to a stop. They alight there too. As I stare out of my window seat and down to them, the old couple alight at the exit of the bus, holding hands as they went down 1 after the other. At the busstop, the old lady pass the small haversack she is carrying to the old man. The old man took it over and then, they walked hand in hand away. That was the sweetest moment. A certain warmth surged thru my heart. Indeed, we are so often caught up in our own whimpsy world that sometimes we forgot to slow it down and take a look at our surroundings. If I would have been sleeping on dat trip back, i wouldnt caught such a wonderful and sweet scene. It brought a smile to my lips.
Hey, slow things down a little and smell the flower sometimes. Life is hectic enough. Appreciate beautiful nature and life or people, sometimes, with a little surprise, u will also discover dat these little things around u will inevitably bring a smile to u. Life is indeed beautiful. :)
Monday, October 22, 2007
A Sweet Sweet Birthday
My Feast ! Prepared specially by Ben.. So loved and touched !
My Angels !
Birthday Kisses...
Happie birthday to myself ! Haha
Posing to cut cake.
My presents ! My fav is the video they made esp for me
A lovely frenship ! All My dearies !
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Moving forward
The day did not seem as cold and as dark as I have imagined. Ironically, it was filled with fun and laughter. The joy and laughter my frens brought to me was enough to brighten my whole entire day.
Moving forward, I wanna put down watever that is the past. Moving forward, I will no longer be sad and dwell on the past anymore. Indeed, life has so much more to offer than being in love. Moving forward, I wanna pass my driving test, I wanna do my Master, I wanna finished my bible study classes. And most of all, I wanna learn how to deal with investments so I can be prudent about my finances. I will not waste my time thinking what or who will hurt me anymore but will try my utter best to fulfill what I have set my goals upon. And of cos, to climb up the corporate ladder as I so desire.
Im really moved abt the story of the star thrower. The little boy, quietly picking up the whole seashore of starfishes and throwing them back to the sea so they were able to survive. When asked abt why he did dat cos there are just so many starfishes he could saved, he replied, " for dat one, it did make a difference." Just as my frens and the "angel" had made a difference in my life, I need to get out of my self-pity and begin to indulge in more meaningful stuff. I hope by the little efforts I made each day, some day, I could be some one's angel too. This is where my journey of my 26th life should start with. I certainly hope its not too late. :)
Moving forward, I wanna put down watever that is the past. Moving forward, I will no longer be sad and dwell on the past anymore. Indeed, life has so much more to offer than being in love. Moving forward, I wanna pass my driving test, I wanna do my Master, I wanna finished my bible study classes. And most of all, I wanna learn how to deal with investments so I can be prudent about my finances. I will not waste my time thinking what or who will hurt me anymore but will try my utter best to fulfill what I have set my goals upon. And of cos, to climb up the corporate ladder as I so desire.
Im really moved abt the story of the star thrower. The little boy, quietly picking up the whole seashore of starfishes and throwing them back to the sea so they were able to survive. When asked abt why he did dat cos there are just so many starfishes he could saved, he replied, " for dat one, it did make a difference." Just as my frens and the "angel" had made a difference in my life, I need to get out of my self-pity and begin to indulge in more meaningful stuff. I hope by the little efforts I made each day, some day, I could be some one's angel too. This is where my journey of my 26th life should start with. I certainly hope its not too late. :)
Saturday, October 20, 2007
And I saw it.
And I saw the photo u and the girl took and how she has decorated the photo using ur name. Very handsome couple indeed. And I could see you are really happy taking the photo. Here's wishing both of u happiness.
The right one
Reflecting on the above line, there is really no one dat is right jus for each other. Every individual is different. God makes us different just so we can enjoy our differences with each other. Not just dump each other when things did not work out their ways. I have totally lose all hope of finding the rite one. Though I have chosen to smile amidst of all the adversities, there are still times dat tears will still relentlessly well up in my eyes.
I have met 2 guys in my life which I have always tot were the rite ones for me. One dat has the same interests and tastes with me, one is an entirely different world from me. Initially was always sweet and steady. But when the circumstances came in, I decided to gave up one and another 1 chose to give up on me. Perhaps life is like dat, I gotta always treasure the one dat is beside me cos u dunno when they are going to give up on u. Its nearing to my birthday, but the day seem cold and dark. Cos Mr Forgottens had really forgotten. But I will still choose to smile despite all these cos my frens and my family will want me to the happiest girl on this special day to them. But truly, Im really beginning to hate this day cos it seem to be the coldest and darkest day of my life. Mr Forgotten will be somewhere doing something, totally forgotten abt Ms Emotional.
I have met 2 guys in my life which I have always tot were the rite ones for me. One dat has the same interests and tastes with me, one is an entirely different world from me. Initially was always sweet and steady. But when the circumstances came in, I decided to gave up one and another 1 chose to give up on me. Perhaps life is like dat, I gotta always treasure the one dat is beside me cos u dunno when they are going to give up on u. Its nearing to my birthday, but the day seem cold and dark. Cos Mr Forgottens had really forgotten. But I will still choose to smile despite all these cos my frens and my family will want me to the happiest girl on this special day to them. But truly, Im really beginning to hate this day cos it seem to be the coldest and darkest day of my life. Mr Forgotten will be somewhere doing something, totally forgotten abt Ms Emotional.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
The dinner
The dinner seemed abit too cold. Cold. Both physically and also maybe our hearts as well. The dinner went as usual. I could sense the uneasiness in you. Trying my might to be the best I know how, I tried to make you feel less uneasy. However, maybe ur heart already belonged to somewhere, our conversation seem abit forced. As I explained my story to you, I saw the tension in ur body. You asked me a few qns: on why I do this and that and why did I not asked you to wait when I wanted u to change. The fact of the matter is : I am already very selfish to have left. I couldnt possibly asked u to wait too. It is just pure selfishness myself if I do dat.
Well, the dinner finally ended. No tension, no arguement. That is good. At least I know that both of us has changed. Changed for the better.
As for another you that is studying, all the best for u. Hope u pass wif flying colors and dun forget dat yes, im still praying for u too. Hope amidst ur busyness, when u looked at the shimmer of moonlight flooding in from the window, u will somehow remembered a part of me. A part of the happy memories dat we do once shared.
Father, I prayed for E dat he will always have happiness and prosperity in his life. That his career will go from glory to glory. Most of all, bless him in everything he does. I lift up S into Your mighty hands too. That U will be with him during his exams and he certainly will do well in his studies n career as well. Do always protect him on the road as well and make sure that he always ride safely. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.
Well, the dinner finally ended. No tension, no arguement. That is good. At least I know that both of us has changed. Changed for the better.
As for another you that is studying, all the best for u. Hope u pass wif flying colors and dun forget dat yes, im still praying for u too. Hope amidst ur busyness, when u looked at the shimmer of moonlight flooding in from the window, u will somehow remembered a part of me. A part of the happy memories dat we do once shared.
Father, I prayed for E dat he will always have happiness and prosperity in his life. That his career will go from glory to glory. Most of all, bless him in everything he does. I lift up S into Your mighty hands too. That U will be with him during his exams and he certainly will do well in his studies n career as well. Do always protect him on the road as well and make sure that he always ride safely. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.
Monday, October 15, 2007
I say a little prayer for u
"You chose to give up on him first." comes the familiar voice on the other side of the phone. This reminder, spoken so many times before in my heart came to be alittle more painful when spoken from my cgl. Its as if the moment suddenly stopped and the reality struck. The all too familiar pain now seared thru my already-wounded heart once more. I dunno wat is happening but just felt really really painful.
As I walked the all too familiar pathway to my house, I prayed to God dat he will always find happiness. That every single day, he will not be bothered by work at all but will always be the best in everything he do. And most of all, if the girl is rite for him, he will truly be happy every single day. Though its painful, i told God i will let it all go... Since I have chosen this path... I think this is the biggest regret of my life and it will always served as a reminder for me to "珍惜眼前人“。
Truly, I will say a little prayer for you every single day so u will always be blessed by the love of God. Hope dat it will really help. C u tmr at dinner.
As I walked the all too familiar pathway to my house, I prayed to God dat he will always find happiness. That every single day, he will not be bothered by work at all but will always be the best in everything he do. And most of all, if the girl is rite for him, he will truly be happy every single day. Though its painful, i told God i will let it all go... Since I have chosen this path... I think this is the biggest regret of my life and it will always served as a reminder for me to "珍惜眼前人“。
Truly, I will say a little prayer for you every single day so u will always be blessed by the love of God. Hope dat it will really help. C u tmr at dinner.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Busy Busy
Hmm.. Been really busy nowadays. Its as if God suddenly knows im alone and hence, sent forth many tasks to keep myself occupied. This morning, I have to wake up really early to go east coast to recce the area for the cg outreach next sunday.
Tonite, my long time good fren is getting married ! Im really happy for him. Though sometimes will keep thinking when will it be my turn. Hee...
Last nite, I told my fren who is getting married "its not abt where u stay, its abt who u stayed with" as he was telling us they were fervently looking for a place to dwell in. Suddenly, I realised my mindset has changed. Maybe thanks to a person who once placed a great influence in my life. How are u ? Many times i will think. But... I will choose to stay in silence and watch u pass by. Are ur studies doing well and how are u preparing for ur exams ? These are the constant qns I wanna asked but stopped myself. I simply do not want to be a pest anymore and most importantly, the past is the past. Nothing can revived it. Perhaps what I can do is still secretly prayed to the Lord dat u will have success in life and ur studies.
Its time for me to go to the wedding, feeling happy for my fren but yet somewhere deep in my heart, there is a feeling of longing. Longing to see the rite person standing beside me, which, I dunno who for now. Right now, I need to be strong and independent.
Tonite, my long time good fren is getting married ! Im really happy for him. Though sometimes will keep thinking when will it be my turn. Hee...
Last nite, I told my fren who is getting married "its not abt where u stay, its abt who u stayed with" as he was telling us they were fervently looking for a place to dwell in. Suddenly, I realised my mindset has changed. Maybe thanks to a person who once placed a great influence in my life. How are u ? Many times i will think. But... I will choose to stay in silence and watch u pass by. Are ur studies doing well and how are u preparing for ur exams ? These are the constant qns I wanna asked but stopped myself. I simply do not want to be a pest anymore and most importantly, the past is the past. Nothing can revived it. Perhaps what I can do is still secretly prayed to the Lord dat u will have success in life and ur studies.
Its time for me to go to the wedding, feeling happy for my fren but yet somewhere deep in my heart, there is a feeling of longing. Longing to see the rite person standing beside me, which, I dunno who for now. Right now, I need to be strong and independent.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Airport
Airport is a place where there are always ups and downs. Ups being loved one coming back from afar, down being loved one leaving to a place far away from home. As I walked along the all too familiar walkway to the little restaurant situated at the 2nd floor of T2, I cun help but think of the very nite where it got started almost 3 yrs ago.
When the clock striked 12, someone who were once very familiar to me said: " Between what I need and what I want." The little whisper caught my notice but I had put on a face of nonchalence. Little did I know this sentance has sparked off a memorable, sweet and happy 2 yrs we had. Perhaps I have always said to let go but I never did. Perhaps I have never even let go before. I have myself thrown away the happy future we ought to have. These are all my faults alone.
I prayed to God that he will always have happiness in his life and prosperity in his career. That he will always be the head and not the tail.
When the clock striked 12, someone who were once very familiar to me said: " Between what I need and what I want." The little whisper caught my notice but I had put on a face of nonchalence. Little did I know this sentance has sparked off a memorable, sweet and happy 2 yrs we had. Perhaps I have always said to let go but I never did. Perhaps I have never even let go before. I have myself thrown away the happy future we ought to have. These are all my faults alone.
I prayed to God that he will always have happiness in his life and prosperity in his career. That he will always be the head and not the tail.
Closeupness
Much to my reluctance, I went on and finished reading what I should have discovered months ago. It was too late. The blog came too late. If I would have been inquisitive abt it sooner, things might be a little different. Stirrings within the already broken heart assailed my whole being again. Flashes of the past became once again so clear in front of me. Yet, the feeling of helplessness stops me from doing anything.
Let go and Let God. I truly believed God meant all things good for the purpose of His Kingdom. So watever u and I are going thru, God has allow it to happen for a reason. You might get this feeling of being on top of the world now and yet God might not see it and assume its ok. However, if everything is not according to His will, things will began to disintegrate. Do take care and I really hope she can bring u true happiness. Thanks for allowing me to be your fren and thanks for "reluctantly" meeting me up nxt wk to celebrate a day I might learn to dread. I really miss....
Let go and Let God. I truly believed God meant all things good for the purpose of His Kingdom. So watever u and I are going thru, God has allow it to happen for a reason. You might get this feeling of being on top of the world now and yet God might not see it and assume its ok. However, if everything is not according to His will, things will began to disintegrate. Do take care and I really hope she can bring u true happiness. Thanks for allowing me to be your fren and thanks for "reluctantly" meeting me up nxt wk to celebrate a day I might learn to dread. I really miss....
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Driving is fun...
Haha.. Finally back to driving lessons after almost a yr ! Last nite was my first "exhilarating" ride back on the road. I was abit jittery in the beginning but thank God it still works out pretty fine. Though I might still need some polishing on my stopping before the traffic lights. Well, but certainly im liking it and hope I can really pass in Jan.
Hmm.. My fav Fossil watch ran out of battery. I need to go down to Orchard and get it fixed. Really need an extra working watch cos I have not been wearing one since I started work in Philips. Probably I will wait till my bonus season in Dec. These few days have been rather going fine for me as daily, im letting go bit by bit. Slowly, everything will be gone and definately, i will be back to myself once again. Having teambuilding next week and the weekend is coincidently, my birthday. Hope everything gonna be Ok. Still thinking of whether to quit the dance. Probably will finish the practise tmr and decide.
Hmm.. My fav Fossil watch ran out of battery. I need to go down to Orchard and get it fixed. Really need an extra working watch cos I have not been wearing one since I started work in Philips. Probably I will wait till my bonus season in Dec. These few days have been rather going fine for me as daily, im letting go bit by bit. Slowly, everything will be gone and definately, i will be back to myself once again. Having teambuilding next week and the weekend is coincidently, my birthday. Hope everything gonna be Ok. Still thinking of whether to quit the dance. Probably will finish the practise tmr and decide.
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
No title.. Cun tink of any
Hmm... Felt a little lighter today as I have chose to let go of everything. And with the constant companion of my frens, Im finally smiling again. Even with you ard, I can still manage to smile. Though I think during dance practise, u were a little tense ard me. Probably im transparent to u already ? Hmm.. Probably shld look at the brighter side of life..
Anyway, will be talking to Vance about backing out from the dance. Simply too many things happening in OCt. U might call me childish but I think I really need a break from all these. As if facing "u" day in and day out is not enough, during sat, I need to face another "him" again. Too tired. Just wanna take a break. And choose to smile despite all these.
Anyway, will be talking to Vance about backing out from the dance. Simply too many things happening in OCt. U might call me childish but I think I really need a break from all these. As if facing "u" day in and day out is not enough, during sat, I need to face another "him" again. Too tired. Just wanna take a break. And choose to smile despite all these.
Sunday, October 07, 2007
没有你的日子 第14天
Hmm.. Today is the 2nd week after that awful day. Somehow or another, I have the sense of peace within me. Dats probably maybe I have put it all down. For the nxt 6 mths, I wanna focus on the things I always wanted to do. To quieten myself. Well, I still tot of u from times to times but i believed with time, the wound will heal faster.
I just prayed dat u will no longer treat me like a stranger cos I think u are now. But I guess all these I deserved it. But its ok, cos I think I still have my group of frens to rely on at times when I think of u and him. Yah, him, 2 yrs... The one dat I did not treasure. The one dat is supposedly to have work out but is now in the hands of another girl. Hmm.. better stop here else will be thinking of all sorts of things again. Just prayed dat I will forget all these and move on real fast.
I just prayed dat u will no longer treat me like a stranger cos I think u are now. But I guess all these I deserved it. But its ok, cos I think I still have my group of frens to rely on at times when I think of u and him. Yah, him, 2 yrs... The one dat I did not treasure. The one dat is supposedly to have work out but is now in the hands of another girl. Hmm.. better stop here else will be thinking of all sorts of things again. Just prayed dat I will forget all these and move on real fast.
Saturday, October 06, 2007
没有你的日子 第13天
Today I have done some thinking again. I know for the past few weeks it have been a terrible few weeks for the both of us. With my constant demands of ending my life, I know u are totally tired and irritated as well. I tot to myself, if I have a bf like dat, I would ignore him the way u did. Cos I will feel exactly the same way u do. Cos I gave u too much emotional upheavels. What I wanna say, Im really sorry for the way I have behaved. Dat is not the way of what a 26 yr old shld behaved.
Anyway, I thanked u for coming to look for me the other day. Though u might be super angry, I know u came down cos u do not want me to do something stupid. I hope in time to come, all these wounds will heal and we can really be frens again. Just like the way we used to be in the beginning. Im taking a 6 mths sabbathical break. By this, i mean for the nxt 6 mths, i will not think about r/s at all and just wanna build up what I have been lagging behind. I need to fulfill the goals I have set for myself last yr. Its time I wake up and strive the best I can. And most of all, my spiritual life. This is a promise I will make to God and keep it as I have done so many yrs ago when I first entered university. It will be a good time for me to rebuild my life, let the wounds heal. In anyway, I wun be messaging u much or sms u too. Do take care but u can still talk to me if u want to. Here's hoping u all the best in watever u do. Be it ur studies or work. Smile.. :)
Anyway, I thanked u for coming to look for me the other day. Though u might be super angry, I know u came down cos u do not want me to do something stupid. I hope in time to come, all these wounds will heal and we can really be frens again. Just like the way we used to be in the beginning. Im taking a 6 mths sabbathical break. By this, i mean for the nxt 6 mths, i will not think about r/s at all and just wanna build up what I have been lagging behind. I need to fulfill the goals I have set for myself last yr. Its time I wake up and strive the best I can. And most of all, my spiritual life. This is a promise I will make to God and keep it as I have done so many yrs ago when I first entered university. It will be a good time for me to rebuild my life, let the wounds heal. In anyway, I wun be messaging u much or sms u too. Do take care but u can still talk to me if u want to. Here's hoping u all the best in watever u do. Be it ur studies or work. Smile.. :)
没有你的日子 第12天
Hmm... Today we had dance practise. I think u treat me like strangers. But I told myself its ok. Its over so dun care. However, I tink it din work too well for me. Though I have put it all down, somehow in a part of me I wanted us to be good frens again. THe kinda of frenship when GY is around. Where the 3 of us will joke around and laugh around and do crazy things. All on the basis of a pure frenship.
Today, I had a terrible sore throat which led to fever. Everything seem to be going downhill. My work, r/s, dad, health.. But I told myself, Im not going to be knocked down so easily! I will find my strength and go thru everything ! Its difficult but I know I can do it ! I will not allow emotions to hold me down anymore. I gotta change my thinking and be positive.
Somehow or another, when I reached home facing my comp alone, I tot of u again. In order not to allow it to control me n be depressive, poor Samantha became my scrapegoat again. I asked her out for dinner again. I really thank God for frens like her. Though with a bf, yet she spent most of the time with me just to make sure im fine and go thru these dark periods with me. Im really grateful for frens like her. I guess God is still good to me. At least i have beautiful frens and u did not push me aside when i said we be frens again. Im really grateful truly. Let nature takes its course.
Will still be praying for ur studies n work n of cos ur safety on the road. Dun wan lose a good fren like u.
Today, I had a terrible sore throat which led to fever. Everything seem to be going downhill. My work, r/s, dad, health.. But I told myself, Im not going to be knocked down so easily! I will find my strength and go thru everything ! Its difficult but I know I can do it ! I will not allow emotions to hold me down anymore. I gotta change my thinking and be positive.
Somehow or another, when I reached home facing my comp alone, I tot of u again. In order not to allow it to control me n be depressive, poor Samantha became my scrapegoat again. I asked her out for dinner again. I really thank God for frens like her. Though with a bf, yet she spent most of the time with me just to make sure im fine and go thru these dark periods with me. Im really grateful for frens like her. I guess God is still good to me. At least i have beautiful frens and u did not push me aside when i said we be frens again. Im really grateful truly. Let nature takes its course.
Will still be praying for ur studies n work n of cos ur safety on the road. Dun wan lose a good fren like u.
Friday, October 05, 2007
Happy Memories (Shi Zhi Lu ko)
In the beginning, still neat hair...
Yummy
Nice buns buns
Quick Quick.. Im hungry..
Huh ? Wat happened ?
Nice Group Photo Happy Memories (Autumn Nite with cg)
DUn come near us !
Charlie's Angel in action
Big wide smile
My Autumn niteThursday, October 04, 2007
没有你的日子 第11天
As I was about to tread on the path of no return, a pack of tissue suddenly appears. "Take these, u will need this. Cry it out, it will help. Take a look at the scenery, life is beautiful." says the stranger who was on the bicycle. Yes. Yesterday was one of the darkest moment of my life. I intend to lose it all and just jump and disappear from the rest of the world. But suddenly, as i was sitting alone crying my hearts out along the beach of east coast, this stranger on a bicycle suddenly touched my heart by giving me a pack of tissue n talked to me. He even make a few rounds on his bicycle ard me to ensure im ok. Talking to me discretely to ensure im still ok. Leaving me alone when it need be.
I dunno who this stranger was. Neither do i remember his looks. My frens, after hearing these, call him the "angel". The angel who appears to stop wat i was abt to do. The angel dat was send by God to allow me to know im not alone.
Yes, indeed im not alone. Like wat my cgl says last nite to me at the beach, I still have my ASW club. Ailian, Samantha and Wenshan who went into shock after i disappear. They were the one who frantically searched for me high and low. They were the ones who gave me hugs when im crying my heart out. And of cos my cgl, though so busy with her work n baby, she rushed down with my frens just to make sure im still ok.
As for why im so depressed, i tink up to this day, its very clear to me. 2 yrs and 6 mths... these will become just memories for me. Where it begans is where it ends too. 2 yrs, thanks for letting me know that there is a actually a beautiful guy like u ard, but i did not treasure u. 6 mths, thanks for also letting me know there are alot of perspectives in looking at things.
Dun worry, 2 yrs and 6 mths. For now, i will choose to rest.
I dunno who this stranger was. Neither do i remember his looks. My frens, after hearing these, call him the "angel". The angel who appears to stop wat i was abt to do. The angel dat was send by God to allow me to know im not alone.
Yes, indeed im not alone. Like wat my cgl says last nite to me at the beach, I still have my ASW club. Ailian, Samantha and Wenshan who went into shock after i disappear. They were the one who frantically searched for me high and low. They were the ones who gave me hugs when im crying my heart out. And of cos my cgl, though so busy with her work n baby, she rushed down with my frens just to make sure im still ok.
As for why im so depressed, i tink up to this day, its very clear to me. 2 yrs and 6 mths... these will become just memories for me. Where it begans is where it ends too. 2 yrs, thanks for letting me know that there is a actually a beautiful guy like u ard, but i did not treasure u. 6 mths, thanks for also letting me know there are alot of perspectives in looking at things.
Dun worry, 2 yrs and 6 mths. For now, i will choose to rest.
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
没有你的日子 第9天
Hmm... Today is really a day of ups and downs. I got emotional along the day and was thinking to myself "I had enough !". But after awhile, started to miss u again. Im really stupid... Wanted to cheer u up in the morning cos i tink u look stress but ended up hurting myself even more. Maybe i shouldnt do anything anymore... Probably dats the way it should go.
I finally plucked up the courage to talk to my cgl about u. She was very encouraging and did not hold it against me dat I have not be truthful to her all these 6 mths. Finally, the stress is over. Im able to heave a sign of relief. I dunno why we keep dancing so awkwardly today but i guess we both felt the awkwardness between us. Today i asked u whether u will bring me out for dinner anytime soon. Probably I gave myself hope but to have it dashed it on the floor again when u said u will only bring me out for dinner on or before my birthday. My heart was torn btw as a part of me so wanted to spend time with u but the other part I just din wan u to pity me. In the end, I finally plucked up the courage to give dat letter. The letter dat says it all on how i felt about us. But I do not know will u really have time to go thru all the photos n the letter. Probably its been chucked it aside.. I do not know and I might not want to know forever as I just dun wan the truth anymore.
I finally plucked up the courage to talk to my cgl about u. She was very encouraging and did not hold it against me dat I have not be truthful to her all these 6 mths. Finally, the stress is over. Im able to heave a sign of relief. I dunno why we keep dancing so awkwardly today but i guess we both felt the awkwardness between us. Today i asked u whether u will bring me out for dinner anytime soon. Probably I gave myself hope but to have it dashed it on the floor again when u said u will only bring me out for dinner on or before my birthday. My heart was torn btw as a part of me so wanted to spend time with u but the other part I just din wan u to pity me. In the end, I finally plucked up the courage to give dat letter. The letter dat says it all on how i felt about us. But I do not know will u really have time to go thru all the photos n the letter. Probably its been chucked it aside.. I do not know and I might not want to know forever as I just dun wan the truth anymore.
Monday, October 01, 2007
没有你的日子 第8天
hmm.. almost midnite.. another boring day at work. Trying to drown myself with work. Still rubbing on all those bruises I got for all the jumps I made. Today, i realise something different abt us. I realise u nv smile to me anymore. No longer are u easy ard me albeit I tried my best to be the way I used to be. U no longer joke ard me and we r not as funny as we r before. Always joking ard even when GY is ard.
Tot of u several times today but I think u nv did bah. Cos i know rite here rite now, study and work are the pirorities in ur life. It hurts to know dat but I need to respect dat. U always say keeping me by ur side will be unfair to me but u nv ask me how i felt before. Nvm.. Its over already and u have chosen to leave me. Leave me alone to fend for myself. Sometimes i tink im damn stupid. Loving a person dat dun love me anymore. I guess love is like dat bah... Sometimes u also dunno wat u will be doing. Maybe 10 yrs down the road I will be laughing at myself now... Maybe i will really give it all up one day. But dat one day is definately anytime soon cos my heart still need time to rest... Still waiting to have dinner with u though i know u will be too busy for me as well... Hope tmr will be a better day... Smile more :)
Tot of u several times today but I think u nv did bah. Cos i know rite here rite now, study and work are the pirorities in ur life. It hurts to know dat but I need to respect dat. U always say keeping me by ur side will be unfair to me but u nv ask me how i felt before. Nvm.. Its over already and u have chosen to leave me. Leave me alone to fend for myself. Sometimes i tink im damn stupid. Loving a person dat dun love me anymore. I guess love is like dat bah... Sometimes u also dunno wat u will be doing. Maybe 10 yrs down the road I will be laughing at myself now... Maybe i will really give it all up one day. But dat one day is definately anytime soon cos my heart still need time to rest... Still waiting to have dinner with u though i know u will be too busy for me as well... Hope tmr will be a better day... Smile more :)
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