"Forgive her, u still love her" said Jesus to Leonard. My tears automatically dropped at the scene when Jesus turned to the male lead unexpectedly. Though I was hoping for that scene and trying hard not to cry, I couldnt help it dat emotions started to well up in me. My frens were all buckets beside me too.
Touched by the love of Christ, Leonard decided to forgive Suzanne, the woman dat has betrayed him for another man but was terribly sorry abt it. The hatred harboured inside Leonard changed him to an extreme man. Only thru the journey to Jesus time, did he realise wat Jesus did and of cos experience His real love and forgiveness. Well, in the end, he got the courage to forgive Suzanne and proclaim his love for her once again.
My fren asked me why I did feel so much abt it. Well, I dunno why myself too. I felt I was very much like Suzanne at that instant. But I nv did get my chance to apologise. Probably I was too afraid to even bring up the past again. My heart was of utmost remorse. I knew that God has healed me totally and probably the past din mean anything anymore to him anymore, well, its probably I know I have not really apologise n seek forgiveness for leaving him a yr ago for someone else cos of the problems we had. I nv gave him a chance to work things out but was quick to leave the r/s cos the other guy was already pressing me. Well, its all in the past now.
Im still very sorry abt wat happened. I will take this chance here to say wat I always wanted to say : " Im sorry, E... Will u forgive me?".
A crazy little gurl who is also a believer of the Love of God... A little extremist, emotional and neurotic at times...But overall still a simple gurl who seeks simple things in life.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Monday, March 17, 2008
Amazed
Last saturday, I was amazed at my own behaviour. Though the daddy was very worked up and rattled non-stop about how I should have the compassion on his tired kid, my face was all smiles. To be honest, I was quite taken aback but instead of firing back at him like what I will do in the past, I decided to hold it all in and give what i call as grace to him.
Though it was my every right to fire back at him for not thinking about the safety of my whole entire room of little babies with the notion dat his playgroup child wld have caused if I continued to let him stay in the room, I decided to hear him finished his heated speech. He finished with saying he totally understand my limitations but however, in my heart, I really do not know why he have to create such a scene if he totally understands. Like what probably auntie shirley says, he probably wanna voice out his frustrations. Sammie, who was by my side, was quite amazed at my calmness. I really do not know when I have become like this too. But I found dat the most common word I always said nowadays to others when they are worked up wif another person would be "give him/her grace". Hmm... Im really amazed at how God has changed me in tis 1 yr. Last time, I always tot how could Jesus have tolerated all the insinuations dat all the pple have given to Him. Isnt He angry at all ? Well, probably He is at times, but knowing dat the Father is love, He decided to give grace and forgiveness to all. Im really happy that my old bad temperamental self has changed. Its really not by my own strength or effort, but of cos by the power of the Holy Spirit. Im not perfect and there will be times I will still err but I know that God is using my circumstances to change me from the inside out bit by bit. Hallejuah !
Though it was my every right to fire back at him for not thinking about the safety of my whole entire room of little babies with the notion dat his playgroup child wld have caused if I continued to let him stay in the room, I decided to hear him finished his heated speech. He finished with saying he totally understand my limitations but however, in my heart, I really do not know why he have to create such a scene if he totally understands. Like what probably auntie shirley says, he probably wanna voice out his frustrations. Sammie, who was by my side, was quite amazed at my calmness. I really do not know when I have become like this too. But I found dat the most common word I always said nowadays to others when they are worked up wif another person would be "give him/her grace". Hmm... Im really amazed at how God has changed me in tis 1 yr. Last time, I always tot how could Jesus have tolerated all the insinuations dat all the pple have given to Him. Isnt He angry at all ? Well, probably He is at times, but knowing dat the Father is love, He decided to give grace and forgiveness to all. Im really happy that my old bad temperamental self has changed. Its really not by my own strength or effort, but of cos by the power of the Holy Spirit. Im not perfect and there will be times I will still err but I know that God is using my circumstances to change me from the inside out bit by bit. Hallejuah !
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
I said a little prayer for her...
A face full of lines of the past, a smile that can thunder through the house, a kind old look... Thats how I always envisioned how she looks. I had nv seen her before in my life but yet the little ang pao she gave me a few yrs ago was still good as new in my little piggy bank.
The kind old lady I always imagined to be has passed on. I do not know where she is but I prayed dat Jesus You will have mercy on her and looked after her soul. I prayed that You will give her family peace and comfort for the rest of their lives and especially to Your son. That You will keep him and protect him and he will be the salt of the earth and light of the world. Though we din say a thing during darren's wedding, but I really wanted to come over and said hi but somehow or another, I felt ur reluctance and awkwardness. Even though when we were at the door during the march in, I could sense ur uneasiness. Be of ease, my fren, I have already moved on and changed. I am not the old susan who called u up 5 mths ago. This sue just wanna maintain a healthy frenship with everyone of her frens.
The kind old lady I always imagined to be has passed on. I do not know where she is but I prayed dat Jesus You will have mercy on her and looked after her soul. I prayed that You will give her family peace and comfort for the rest of their lives and especially to Your son. That You will keep him and protect him and he will be the salt of the earth and light of the world. Though we din say a thing during darren's wedding, but I really wanted to come over and said hi but somehow or another, I felt ur reluctance and awkwardness. Even though when we were at the door during the march in, I could sense ur uneasiness. Be of ease, my fren, I have already moved on and changed. I am not the old susan who called u up 5 mths ago. This sue just wanna maintain a healthy frenship with everyone of her frens.
Monday, March 03, 2008
The Greatest Mistake of my life.
Today, Im going to blog about 1 of the greatest mistake of my life. I can still live to re-tell it is cos of His grace and mercy that have upholds me for so many mths. The reason why I wanna re-tell this secretive part of my life is I have totally overcome it and live a victorious life.
Almost a yr ago, on Mar 24th, I started a r/s with a guy that I know is not wat God has meant for my life. You see, the problem is I have got a bf of 2 yrs and I loved him dearly. Marriage plans were on the way too but I always felt that he needed to change for the better before we can progressed in life together. At those few mths, my life were totally confused about our impending "marriage" together. You could say its "pre-marital" blues. Thinking that we needed space to overcome our shortcomings, I decided to break off this r/s. At this period of time, my colleague was after me too.
He is a rather dashing guy with lotsa humour and patience in the beginning. I went into the r/s not really loving him at all and also just so I got a companion. Well, by now, u would have tink I was a bi**h. Yes I was... In a state of confusion, I started a r/s wif him knowing pretty well dat God has shouted a big loud "NO". Well, like all r/s, all was well till he lose his love for me for just 6 mths ! At this period, I enjoyed his companion but deep down, I still have a strong love for my ex bf. However, not that I dun like this guy, I like him too but just not as strong as my previous. Anyway, in the beginning, he promises forever love like all guys too but as time goes by, his love for me waver through the endless quarrels we had. Instead of overcoming, he chose to end all this. Well, u noe how the story goes, he is my colleague so u can imagine how bad it was for the breakup. Anyway, facing the 2nd breakup in just a yr, I went into a sense of depression. I had suicidal tots. But thank God for wonderful angels in my life, I managed to pick up my life again. But me and that colleague of mine didnt even talk anymore. He just chose not to talk or look at me again. As if all faults were mine...
Anyway, I got the just deserts cos of this and little did I know, my ex (the one I love) also moved on in just 3 mths ! Hmm.. like wat God told me, this is the consequences for wanting my own way and going against His way. Well, I thank God that He is my pillar of strength in the midst of darkness. Today, I have totally healed and moved on too. Though this little hurt still crept up once in awhile, but I noe all things work together for good for those who loved Him. I hoped this greatest mistake of my life can be a reflection for those who are facing the same doubts abt marriage, being with non-christians etc etc. Generally, obedience to God's way is better den sacrifice.
Almost a yr ago, on Mar 24th, I started a r/s with a guy that I know is not wat God has meant for my life. You see, the problem is I have got a bf of 2 yrs and I loved him dearly. Marriage plans were on the way too but I always felt that he needed to change for the better before we can progressed in life together. At those few mths, my life were totally confused about our impending "marriage" together. You could say its "pre-marital" blues. Thinking that we needed space to overcome our shortcomings, I decided to break off this r/s. At this period of time, my colleague was after me too.
He is a rather dashing guy with lotsa humour and patience in the beginning. I went into the r/s not really loving him at all and also just so I got a companion. Well, by now, u would have tink I was a bi**h. Yes I was... In a state of confusion, I started a r/s wif him knowing pretty well dat God has shouted a big loud "NO". Well, like all r/s, all was well till he lose his love for me for just 6 mths ! At this period, I enjoyed his companion but deep down, I still have a strong love for my ex bf. However, not that I dun like this guy, I like him too but just not as strong as my previous. Anyway, in the beginning, he promises forever love like all guys too but as time goes by, his love for me waver through the endless quarrels we had. Instead of overcoming, he chose to end all this. Well, u noe how the story goes, he is my colleague so u can imagine how bad it was for the breakup. Anyway, facing the 2nd breakup in just a yr, I went into a sense of depression. I had suicidal tots. But thank God for wonderful angels in my life, I managed to pick up my life again. But me and that colleague of mine didnt even talk anymore. He just chose not to talk or look at me again. As if all faults were mine...
Anyway, I got the just deserts cos of this and little did I know, my ex (the one I love) also moved on in just 3 mths ! Hmm.. like wat God told me, this is the consequences for wanting my own way and going against His way. Well, I thank God that He is my pillar of strength in the midst of darkness. Today, I have totally healed and moved on too. Though this little hurt still crept up once in awhile, but I noe all things work together for good for those who loved Him. I hoped this greatest mistake of my life can be a reflection for those who are facing the same doubts abt marriage, being with non-christians etc etc. Generally, obedience to God's way is better den sacrifice.
Sunday, March 02, 2008
Why Why Why ???
I often wondered why a couple couldnt be frens after they ended the relationship. Often, I also wonder if I was trying too hard to maintain the frenship. For me, I really has moved on. Do you really fear me that much dat when u see me in church, u gotta pretend that u din see me and hoping I never notice ? Or issit that u wanna avoid the awkwardness that u might have if u gotta say hello to me ?
I do not what you are thinking anymore but for me, I just want it to be a platonic frenship. Just as u have moved on, I have too. I felt that you were afraid of me cos u constantly fear I might still have a thing for u. As I fulfilled the responsibility of being a fren and asked abt ur grandma, ur silence really brought a sense of chill to my heart. For a moment, I was totally worried of what might happened to the kind old lady I have once imagined to be, but the silence of the phone somehow enraged me. Well, I told myself it might be cos he is having a difficult time dats why he is not replying me to my 2nd msg. But however, the week past by. Slowly, the signal u sent became clearer.
From this day on, I told myself that I would not try too hard to maintain this frenship anymore cos ultimately it is not bearing fruits of frenship. I wished u the best in life.
I do not what you are thinking anymore but for me, I just want it to be a platonic frenship. Just as u have moved on, I have too. I felt that you were afraid of me cos u constantly fear I might still have a thing for u. As I fulfilled the responsibility of being a fren and asked abt ur grandma, ur silence really brought a sense of chill to my heart. For a moment, I was totally worried of what might happened to the kind old lady I have once imagined to be, but the silence of the phone somehow enraged me. Well, I told myself it might be cos he is having a difficult time dats why he is not replying me to my 2nd msg. But however, the week past by. Slowly, the signal u sent became clearer.
From this day on, I told myself that I would not try too hard to maintain this frenship anymore cos ultimately it is not bearing fruits of frenship. I wished u the best in life.
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