This afternoon I went back to Philips to have lunch with my ex-colleagues. As usual, it was a good time of sharing the good and the bad of the company once again. My ex-colleagues were all complaining about how the 2 managers were fighting among themselves.
On the journey back to office, Kelvin actually told me my ex bf of Philips had a new gf. My answer was a mere "I know." Hmm.. Actually I know it a while ago when DQ told me. However, the little surprise I had was he just had it not long ago. I was expecting an earlier period than these as he is one guy whom I met that is immature in thinking and actions. Who only feels for himself alone. Maybe Im biased. What do you expect ? Im just an ex gf who is cheated of her love by an ex who proclaimed the reason of breaking up is cos he wanted to concentrate on his studies and too busy for me.
Hmm.. at this time, u might think im bitter. But nope, Im not. In fact, i have totally forgotten this person until Kel brought it up again. Anyway, this caused me to ponder once again. AS i told ah seet, how cum guys are always able to have a gf as fast as they like it. I still think if they have ever loved a gurl with their heart, how can they totally let go just like dat ? Maybe this qn has been on the minds of girls for centuries, but who can really give an answer to it. Girls, being the more emotional beings, sometimes will just dwell and dwell and dwell on the past though they already know its "the past". Yes, its a process girls know best themselves and are trying very hard to conquer it for centuries, however, God made women the way they are. Maybe next time when im in heaven, I would really love to ask God this qn : " Why did you make women to be so much more emotional than men ?". Hmm... as for now, I can only continue the way I am and really try my utmost best to forget the past like I have forgotten this ex bf. And I believe God will truly strengthen me if i ask Him to. Amen
A crazy little gurl who is also a believer of the Love of God... A little extremist, emotional and neurotic at times...But overall still a simple gurl who seeks simple things in life.
Friday, October 24, 2008
Sunday, October 19, 2008
My journal at the airport
17th October, 2008
As I sat alone in Frankfurt airport now writing this journal, cun help but listen to the many Christian songs I brought along with me. Indeed, sitting here for a few hours waiting for my flight back to Singapore allows me to do much thinking. As I sat here at the waiting lounge, looking at all the people that are generally on the other side of the world, cun help but feel how big the world is.
Indeed, this trip to Hungary has been one dat I always dreamed to have. However, as the day approaches to go, my heart felt apprehensive and unsure. One could say dat Im a chicken, but cun help feeling the dread in my stomach building on each passing day. On the day of departure, I was especially touched when my angels came to the airport to send me off. Coming with pooh pooh too. Of cos, there is always wendy too. Im grateful dat she knows the feeling of dread within. As I sat thinking, cun help but thank God for this past 1 week. Indeed His favor is on me everywhere I go. Though I din wanna go hungary at all, but I somehow heard His voice to tell me to go. I also told myself that as I have make a promise to be obedient to Him a long time ago, much to my reluctance, I will obey at His word. Though my heart still cun help feeling fearful, but I wanna submit myself to His will.
On this day of journeying back to Singapore, I am eternally grateful for His love and protection. Im drafting up my testimony too… Alone at the other end of the world has also given me ample time to think abt my relationship life. I have decided to let God pathed the way for me. Whatever comes, let it come. If me and S r not meant to be, when im back in Singapore, things would not happened too. I know deep down in my heart, there is still that lingering feeling of “his” presence. Though he is so far away, cun help but think of him everyday. I know, at this pt, pple wld start saying again move on move on. Even I have gotten sick and tired of asking myself to move on. However, as each time I see him in church, pretending not to see me, my heart just wrenched. Indeed, this is the one of the greatest regret in my life. Though I appeared strong in front of him, I know im just pretending. Pretending everything is Ok. Pretending that I dun care anymore. Pretending, at times, are tiring too.
I really just prayed dat he will be happy now. Maybe one day I will get the news that he will be getting married. Perhaps maybe that day I will truly forget him. But for now, I will put him in the secret compartment of my heart. Locked within the deepest corner. Since I have tried so hard forgetting him, it fails, I think the only other thing I can do is locked him within. E.L, I hope u be happy always. Im sorry for hurting you, though it din mean much to u now, truly I would like to apologise for the hurts I have once caused you. Wherever I am in the world, I will always be praying for u. Hope that you will find that girl you want and enjoy a blissful marriage with her.
Sue chow.
9:53am Frankfurt airport.
As I sat alone in Frankfurt airport now writing this journal, cun help but listen to the many Christian songs I brought along with me. Indeed, sitting here for a few hours waiting for my flight back to Singapore allows me to do much thinking. As I sat here at the waiting lounge, looking at all the people that are generally on the other side of the world, cun help but feel how big the world is.
Indeed, this trip to Hungary has been one dat I always dreamed to have. However, as the day approaches to go, my heart felt apprehensive and unsure. One could say dat Im a chicken, but cun help feeling the dread in my stomach building on each passing day. On the day of departure, I was especially touched when my angels came to the airport to send me off. Coming with pooh pooh too. Of cos, there is always wendy too. Im grateful dat she knows the feeling of dread within. As I sat thinking, cun help but thank God for this past 1 week. Indeed His favor is on me everywhere I go. Though I din wanna go hungary at all, but I somehow heard His voice to tell me to go. I also told myself that as I have make a promise to be obedient to Him a long time ago, much to my reluctance, I will obey at His word. Though my heart still cun help feeling fearful, but I wanna submit myself to His will.
On this day of journeying back to Singapore, I am eternally grateful for His love and protection. Im drafting up my testimony too… Alone at the other end of the world has also given me ample time to think abt my relationship life. I have decided to let God pathed the way for me. Whatever comes, let it come. If me and S r not meant to be, when im back in Singapore, things would not happened too. I know deep down in my heart, there is still that lingering feeling of “his” presence. Though he is so far away, cun help but think of him everyday. I know, at this pt, pple wld start saying again move on move on. Even I have gotten sick and tired of asking myself to move on. However, as each time I see him in church, pretending not to see me, my heart just wrenched. Indeed, this is the one of the greatest regret in my life. Though I appeared strong in front of him, I know im just pretending. Pretending everything is Ok. Pretending that I dun care anymore. Pretending, at times, are tiring too.
I really just prayed dat he will be happy now. Maybe one day I will get the news that he will be getting married. Perhaps maybe that day I will truly forget him. But for now, I will put him in the secret compartment of my heart. Locked within the deepest corner. Since I have tried so hard forgetting him, it fails, I think the only other thing I can do is locked him within. E.L, I hope u be happy always. Im sorry for hurting you, though it din mean much to u now, truly I would like to apologise for the hurts I have once caused you. Wherever I am in the world, I will always be praying for u. Hope that you will find that girl you want and enjoy a blissful marriage with her.
Sue chow.
9:53am Frankfurt airport.
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
In Hungary
The moment i stepped down from Vienna airport, I cun help but feel a dread surfacing within me. This does not helped at all during the 1 and half hour ride from the airport to the little town call Sarvar.
Sarvar is a little town with practically nothing. Those town whereby when u google it and find not much info on it. I think the most comforting thing might just be the hotel that I stayed in. Despite the "old" feeling surrounding the town, there is a touch of modernness there.
The first person dat I actually talked to on the Internet is my dearie ms tan. I cun help but kept tearing when i was talking to her. At that moment, I cun help but miss home dearly. Miss my mum and dad. Miss my dear frens and cell group. As i stared at the pooh bear given by seet and tal, there is someone dat I cun help but remember. That is him.. The tears flowed again... Why is it dat I just cun forget his face ? Probably its the pooh bear dat brought back so much memories. I told myself umpteen time to be strong and move on. I know it is totally unfair to the new guy im sort of seeing now, but I cun stop myself. Im really asking for troubles. Haiz.. How long does it take to totally forget a person ? I know I need to in order to be fair to the new guy. I just wished dat maybe God will miraculously take away all the sweet memories I ever had with him, the pictures we took, the pooh pooh family we adopt, the crazy crappy jokes we ever share, the moment we spent praising God together etc. I hope God can just take it all away in an instant snap.. really.. so I dun have to suffer from such memories again.
Sarvar is a little town with practically nothing. Those town whereby when u google it and find not much info on it. I think the most comforting thing might just be the hotel that I stayed in. Despite the "old" feeling surrounding the town, there is a touch of modernness there.
The first person dat I actually talked to on the Internet is my dearie ms tan. I cun help but kept tearing when i was talking to her. At that moment, I cun help but miss home dearly. Miss my mum and dad. Miss my dear frens and cell group. As i stared at the pooh bear given by seet and tal, there is someone dat I cun help but remember. That is him.. The tears flowed again... Why is it dat I just cun forget his face ? Probably its the pooh bear dat brought back so much memories. I told myself umpteen time to be strong and move on. I know it is totally unfair to the new guy im sort of seeing now, but I cun stop myself. Im really asking for troubles. Haiz.. How long does it take to totally forget a person ? I know I need to in order to be fair to the new guy. I just wished dat maybe God will miraculously take away all the sweet memories I ever had with him, the pictures we took, the pooh pooh family we adopt, the crazy crappy jokes we ever share, the moment we spent praising God together etc. I hope God can just take it all away in an instant snap.. really.. so I dun have to suffer from such memories again.
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