Here I am

Here I am, thousands of miles away in a foreign land. The only familiarity seem to be the faces I see everyday, the factory i visited. Thousands of dollars had been spent. Little did I know the impact it did literally brought me. Initially, very naively, I would have tot that this trip would save the r/s I once had. The one dat started here.. But as the days go by, I am not too sure abt this decision.

Right now at this point of time, I needed someone to adore and hug. Giving me a reassuring hug every now and then, encouraging me every little way. Honestly, coming to this trip has risked me getting retrenched, (which I am very afraid cos I cun get jobless for even a minute due to huge debt i am in). My job, which is beginning to dim so much as I have been thrown into something I cannot handle and the fear everyday just haunt me. Of cos, there is that guy I hope to be reconciled with. Now, he seem blurrer and blurrer. No longer is he the endearing and sweet guy I have known him. Watever I do or have not done, seem to be impractical and defiant to him.Sitting across the table now, I do not know if I known this guy anymore than in the beginning. The worst thing it could happened is that im missing E too. Missing his encouragements, his efforts to always make me smile, his reassurring hugs... But all I can ever do now is just to watch him from afar.. Knowing that he already has found his happiness... The happiness that he truly deserved. And I.. deserved to be where I am today... Lost...