17th October, 2008
As I sat alone in Frankfurt airport now writing this journal, cun help but listen to the many Christian songs I brought along with me. Indeed, sitting here for a few hours waiting for my flight back to Singapore allows me to do much thinking. As I sat here at the waiting lounge, looking at all the people that are generally on the other side of the world, cun help but feel how big the world is.
Indeed, this trip to Hungary has been one dat I always dreamed to have. However, as the day approaches to go, my heart felt apprehensive and unsure. One could say dat Im a chicken, but cun help feeling the dread in my stomach building on each passing day. On the day of departure, I was especially touched when my angels came to the airport to send me off. Coming with pooh pooh too. Of cos, there is always wendy too. Im grateful dat she knows the feeling of dread within. As I sat thinking, cun help but thank God for this past 1 week. Indeed His favor is on me everywhere I go. Though I din wanna go hungary at all, but I somehow heard His voice to tell me to go. I also told myself that as I have make a promise to be obedient to Him a long time ago, much to my reluctance, I will obey at His word. Though my heart still cun help feeling fearful, but I wanna submit myself to His will.
On this day of journeying back to Singapore, I am eternally grateful for His love and protection. Im drafting up my testimony too… Alone at the other end of the world has also given me ample time to think abt my relationship life. I have decided to let God pathed the way for me. Whatever comes, let it come. If me and S r not meant to be, when im back in Singapore, things would not happened too. I know deep down in my heart, there is still that lingering feeling of “his” presence. Though he is so far away, cun help but think of him everyday. I know, at this pt, pple wld start saying again move on move on. Even I have gotten sick and tired of asking myself to move on. However, as each time I see him in church, pretending not to see me, my heart just wrenched. Indeed, this is the one of the greatest regret in my life. Though I appeared strong in front of him, I know im just pretending. Pretending everything is Ok. Pretending that I dun care anymore. Pretending, at times, are tiring too.
I really just prayed dat he will be happy now. Maybe one day I will get the news that he will be getting married. Perhaps maybe that day I will truly forget him. But for now, I will put him in the secret compartment of my heart. Locked within the deepest corner. Since I have tried so hard forgetting him, it fails, I think the only other thing I can do is locked him within. E.L, I hope u be happy always. Im sorry for hurting you, though it din mean much to u now, truly I would like to apologise for the hurts I have once caused you. Wherever I am in the world, I will always be praying for u. Hope that you will find that girl you want and enjoy a blissful marriage with her.
Sue chow.
9:53am Frankfurt airport.
No comments:
Post a Comment